As a teen, our first-born daughter worked at McDonald’s where she often manned the drive-through window. You know how these look: the speaker and screen are in the first part of the drive, then the car turns the corner to the first window to pay. That is where my daughter stood. One summer evening, we pulled in for a beverage. My husband heard our daughter’s voice and said, “I want a road-kill sandwich with extra mustard.” Our daughter said, “Excuse me?” then quickly added. “Dad, is that you?”
It seems our now-adult kids thought his comments were greatly embarrassing when they were teens, but now they find comfort in the memories. Ironically, they tell me not to encourage him.
As are many persons with ADHD, my husband is spontaneous with his comments, which he thinks are really quite funny. Many are actually off-the-wall. Once before we dated, he approached me at college with one of his front pockets turned inside-out. When I commented about it, he said, “That’s my one-eared elephant trick.” Think about it.
Several years ago, when our pastor led the church campaign to raise money for a new worship center, it seemed that was all we heard about when we weren’t in worship. During that time period the pastor came to choir rehearsal and asked for a volunteer to buy a large-screen TV and VCR for training and teaching tapes. Husband immediately retorted: “We can’t afford to; we are trying to buy a new building.” Choir members told me they all roared with laughter because his comment was so timely and quick.
I may laugh at his jokes, but I don’t laugh when his comments are extremely childish. His spontaneous remarks can be so immature I tell him he seems silly, or I attempt to ignore what he says. Just last week, we saw a woman who was wearing portable oxygen paraphernalia in public. Behind her tube and small mask we saw a bluish tint under her nose and around her chin. As she walked past us, Husband said loudly, “It’s a good thing our son is not here.” By this he referred to the time when our son as a toddler saw a woman with think facial hair above her lip. Of course the little guy pointed out loudly “Mom, this lady gots a mustache.” We tried to ignore Husband’s implication.
Ignoring him is especially difficult in a public setting where others tell him how funny he is, and he looks at me with the smile and the smirk. With them, he is telling me “look others accept and appreciate me and my splendid cleverness.”
That acceptance is most important to him. Throughout elementary and high school, he was on the receiving end of taunts or ridicule because he was heavier than most peers and because he exhibited ADHD symptoms. His comments came quickly as they were, but he purposely refined his degree of humor as do many children with ADHD or learning disabilities. It became his buffer against the maliciousness that children can expertly hurl at other children.
He isn’t always a smart mouth. We often enjoy deep and meaningful conversations, and he frequently responds and comments in public with helpful information and pertinent thinking, so that others admire his depth of understanding and knowledge. People in our Bible-study group find him profound and insightful.
And I desire this reaction. I want others to like him and acknowledge his talents. It is important people accept him in spite of ADHD and the comorbid conditions the disorder produces in his life.
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