Heroes

Usually I focus on ADHD matters and being married to a man with ADHD for nearly 40 years.

Today, however, I want to tell you about two champions I recently met while visiting in Boston. George and Mary live on the North Shore in a charming reproduction of an early-day Puritan house. Mary is a soft spoken, petite blonde, who can be quite aggressive when needed.  George is quite gregarious and talkative in a kind and pleasant manner, and he totally supports her endeavors. They see themselves as ordinary folks with two grown sons.

They are far from ordinary, and they are among the commendable heroes I have met over many years of working with persons with developmental disabilities or cognitive impairment.

Their second son, Doug, is a 44 year old man with Down Syndrome, and as have many parents of such adults, Mary and George have spent his life advocating for his rights and his ability to live as independently as possible.

They struggled with public school issues getting a free, appropriate public education for him. They fought to get him an apartment and assistant when at 20something he wanted to live in his own place. They make certain he attends family gatherings, goes to a special-needs camp every summer, and that he has a say in his current life.

That he does; Doug lives in his own apartment in a state that does not provided incentives for Self Determination. His personal attendant helps with groceries, meals, and physical care. Doug works at a local sheltered workshop, rides a van to work, and enjoys the company of the same girlfriend for 19 years. He exhibits a similar personality as his dad, and everything food is his favorite. 

Doug graduated high school at age 22, so when he went to the prom that year, George and Mary paid for a limousine. Doug claims he and his date drank Champaign in the car, but with Doug every story whether true or fabricated is highly believable.  He really does know General George Patton’s grandson, George Patton III, but he does not know his work friend comes from a famous family. For Doug, knowing Doug is famous enough.

Mary manages all details of Doug’s life and works extremely hard to make certain he can live as independently as possible. She serves as the go-to person for his personal attendant, advocates as a guardian with his physician and dentist, and she makes certain he attends every social event possible.

George believes in understanding why Doug sometimes acts as he does. He knows Doug does not have the same filters as other men in the family, so Doug makes inappropriate comments to attractive females. He also knows that Doug must someday live without his parents help, and George worries about when that day will come.

As it usually happens, after spending an evening with Mary and George, I came away knowing a great deal more about developmental disabilities and persons with mental retardation. Even with years of professional experience, I cannot know each individual and unique case. Mary and George happen to be experts on one of those: Doug.  

Their son enjoys an ideal life for a man with Down Syndrome. He is handsome, healthy, and he dresses neatly. He is safe, protected, and loved.  Thanks to both of you, Mary and George.