Mental Health Professional

Peggy, I want to climb the tallest mountain, speak the loudest, or push the farthest,” I might tell my friend, Peggy B.

And depending on the topic, “Well, I am not sure about that,” Peggy B has been known to respond to my adventurous ideas.

More than 20 years ago my life was blessed when I met Peggy B at our neighborhood Bible Study Fellowship Class.

Our daughters, who are about a month apart in age, went to middle school and high school together, and she was a person with whom I really wanted to form a friendship.

For several years we got together weekly in our homes as our schedules allowed, so we could pray for our husbands, children, and world events.

It is a huge under-statement to say that Peggy B has, does, and will continue to bless my life with vast wisdom and knowledge.

She also laughs heartily with me about the many humorous events we see in our daily lives.

So as you look at the title of this blog, you may wonder: “What does Peggy B have to do with mental health professionals?”

Good question. During the earlier days of our association, Peggy herself often visited qualified counselors for help dealing with personal challenges.  Her positive experiences led to her choose her own profession as a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist (LFMFT).

She’s applied what she knows to me more than once.

For example, when she realized I wanted to make decisions for whether my Mother got out of her house more, Peggy B politely told me to butt out of it: “Athalene, you are NOT responsible for your mother’s social life.”  

And because I was too shocked by this to utter a sound, she quickly repeated it. “Did you hear me? I said you are not responsible for whether she has a social life.”

Another time when discussing a documentary on a former President, Peggy B told me, “I think you are too naïve. I would have expected you to see through the comments made about him.”

“ Ah, ahumpf, bttt,” I spluttered because her reaction rang true. And I knew it took a true friend to be that honest with me.

I am certain she is highly professional with her clients, although she will remain honest. I don’t know if they realize how fortunate they are to work with her.

She is a real person.

I appreciate the standards and qualities of many mental health professionals in and around my city, Wichita. They know much about their fields, and they follow the high ethical standards associated with their professions.

When it comes to ADHD, I recommend my clients seek additional help or get diagnosed from one of our truly exceptional mental health specialists. I even reserve the right to recommend the name of the one of the best in our community for special cases.

For one reason, I want people who suspect they are persons with ADHD to have a diagnosis that is as accurate as possible.

If persons with ADHD take medications, I want them to work with physicians who truly know and understand the science of medications. As one psychiatrist told me, “It is not exact for every person. We must work on an individual basis.”

Most importantly, it is important that whether they work with their physician, a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or a psychiatrist, learning skills that move them along in life is more important than the pills they take.

It’s more about the skills than the pills.

At McNay&Voth ADHD Services, we exist to help persons with ADHD move forward in life while living up to their vast potentials. We do not counsel or offer therapy, but we do offer coaching that is proven to help persons set and meet personal goals.

If you or friends are interested in knowing more about ADHD coaching, please contact us at www.coachadhd.com or 316-771-7557. We would love to hear from you.

If you want to contact me to hear stories about my wonderful friend, Peggy B, please contact me. I would love to share.

 

 

 

 

Women and Girls with ADHD

 

“I am afraid I am going to fail again.”

“I am tired of being a failure.”

“I just do not want to fail anymore.”

These are direct quotes I get when talking with women and girls who are persons with ADHD. The diagnosis of ADHD came from qualified mental health professionals, but the feelings of failure came from life.

The fear resulted from the years when these females experienced functioning problems in all types of social and family settings.

In school, girls with ADHD often get lost in the goings-on of the classroom.

“I was the perfect little girl,” a woman recently told me. “I obeyed all the rules, and I was kind. However, I just didn’t seem to understand what was going on most of the time. I felt lost or out of it.”

 “Other than school, what was your life like?” I asked.

“You mean at home? It wasn’t much better. My bedroom looked like a storm had taken place in it,” she told me.

Hurricane syndrome is my own favorite term for it. Of course, many people live in Hurricane Rooms, but they are persons with ADHD.

Another woman said, “I am rather quiet now, but as a kid, I was really hyper. Teachers had a hard time getting me to sit on my butt. I preferred to sit on my knees with my feet over the back of the chair. One teacher complained that I showed my panties all the time as if showing my panties was the worst thing going on with me.”

“I understand what you are saying, but exposed panties really are socially inappropriate, and teachers prefer socially appropriate behavior.”

She laughed along with me at my dry humor.

Teachers also prefer time management when homework gets turned in on time, or the student arrives at school on time. Bosses also prefer assignments completed per deadline and employees who are working at their desks on time.

Women with ADHD share they often fail to manage time or tasks well.

At least two women tell me they had their first babies at ages 16 and 17.

“So was it because a boy paid attention to you and said nice things to you?”

“No,” said the first one. “It was an impulsive decision. I didn’t stop to think through the consequences or even the right and wrong of it. I guess we call it immediate gratification.” She paused before she continued, “Yeah, gratification that came with a huge belly ache during labor.”

One of the saddest parts of our conversations centers on how these women think their children dislike or mock them because of the ADHD.

“So, which one of them is ADHD? Remember it is a genetic-based disorder.”

I like to throw that one at the children who talk to me about their ADHD parents. It’s to say, “Be careful. Your future kids may say the same thing about you one day.”

I’m rewarded when I see their faces contort with pain and apprehension.

If you are a female with ADHD, and you experience the confusion and disappointments associated with ADHD, we invite you to visit McNay&Voth.

We can meet by phone, face-to-face, or across Skype or Gmail Chat.

Contact us at www.coachadhd.conm or phone 316-771-7557.

We sincerely care,

Dr. Atha McNay and McNay&Voth Gateway Community

 

Can You Help a Woman with ADHD?

The pleasant voice on the other end of the phone asked two simple questions:

“Do you think you can help a woman with ADHD? Do you think you can help an older woman?”

“Yes,” I responded to both questions with one simple positive.

Quite often, I hear from women and girls – from females- who are persons with ADHD. They seek help, and they want to know someone understands the pressures and challenges they face.

As one lovely young woman told me, “You get it! You don’t scold me or laugh at me.”

And why should I scold or even laugh? ADHD is not funny although individuals with ADHD can be quite clever and funny.

Why should I admonish? I am not in the business of being bossy.

I don’t scold or admonish my own daughter with ADHD.  In fact, I think she is quite clever and intelligent. She makes me laugh like no other person.

Yet, I know she struggles with making goals and finding the perfect niche in her life.

I know she struggles with depression and a poor sense of who she can be.

When I see her struggles I think about the many teachers who graced her life. Several did not understand that she struggled to maintain her attention; other teachers had a sense of her talents.

One teacher in particular did not understand why she had a hard time sitting still in circle time.

However, her wonderful preschool teacher, Melinda Wren, fully understood and even taught me a thing or two about my daughter’s need to remain active.

“She listens more attentively sitting at the book area than most of the other kids do sitting still in the circle.”

Bless Melinda. I love her for her wisdom.

Again, when I see my daughter’s struggles, thoughts of her myriad of talents rush through my own mind.

I am not merely being her mom. I am honestly aware of her potential. The problem is that she has so much rushing through her own brain, she cannot get it under control.

In school, girls and women find they are often confused and wonder what others know that they do not know. They struggle with inattentiveness, frustration, time-management, and even disorder.

In teen social situations, they wonder what causes others’ rejection of them, or they take huge social risks just to feel accepted or to be like everyone else.

Yet, I am convinced that females with ADHD bring color and texture to any social situation. They make fantastic mothers as they lead their children to experience countless life-enriching experiences. They make super physicians, lawyers, fire fighters, law enforcement, teachers, and all types of professionals.

It is matter of learning the skills necessary for success. As our motto says: Success through self-determination and encouragement.

If anyone reading this blog is a girl or woman who wants help with her ADHD, I invite her to contact me at McNay&Voth ADHD Coaching Services, www.coachadhd.com or 316-771-7557. We can meet by phone, face-to-face, or across Skype or Gmail Chat.

I sincerely want to help you with your ADHD concerns.

 

 

Depression Isn’t Straight Forward and Other Quotes

Sometimes I flutter like a humming bird or hovercraft when I see Husband retreat to a dark room or space where he can be all alone,

My usual and sterile question is always: “How do you feel today?”

And he will respond: “I don’t feel well.”

Of course, because I am really quite limited in responses, I continue with: “Are you hurting somewhere? Is it your body or your spirit?”

“It is in my spirit,” he tells me.

Will Rogers once said: “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”  However, it seems I miss many good changes. I keep on asking invasive questions.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, is one of the most quoted English writers after William Shakespeare. Personally, I find Johnson easier to understand. In his wise way, he wrote: “People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.”

And I suggest this is true when it comes to depression. People who are depressed need to be reminded that they are valuable.

So how can I remind Husband he is the most valuable of all people to me?  A hamburger from his favorite fast-food restaurant? Sitting with him through the umpteenth baseball game on TV? Sharing chatter I learned from our friends? At times, I am not certain. To quote Will Rogers again, I must remember that “when you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”

Someone sent me this quote from Stephen Fry: “If you know someone who is depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation, depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It is hard to be a friend to someone who is depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”

Like other persons who have depressed family members, I really do want to be a friend to Husband.

And as I mentioned before, I think humor is one way to demonstrate friendship. Mark Twain believed humor is humankind’s greatest blessing, and he said: “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

One of my daughters cautions me not to always sound like an expert, even though I am one. So let me make this suggestion without sounding like a know-it-all. Have you laughed today? Remember that laughter relieves physical tension and stress. It boosts the immune system, decreases stress hormones, and improves your resistance to disease. Laughter releases endorphins, and promotes an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. As an added bonus, it protects the heart as it improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you.

“What do you think about laughter and humor?” I recently asked Husband.

He literally rolled his eyes upward: “It is necessary to raise your sense of well-being.”

“We haven’t laughed much lately,” I commented.

He smiled and laughed at that comment.

But we have spent many hours sitting together in silence or in brief conversations. I have held his hand, or brought him a glass of ice water. I know those are little things; I am trying to be his friend.

This weekend, we watched a show on life in Hawaii where we discovered that the Monk Seal is the only one native to Hawaii. Husband immediate response: “Does that mean they are Catholic or Buddhist?”  We laughed at a tiny piece of silliness, but at least we laughed.