Absence Makes the Heart Lonely

This week I took a trip without Husband. He stayed home with school responsibilities while I flew to the west coast for drive back in the direction of the central states with our daughter.

She demonstrates similar humor as her dad without being ADHD, and I take pleasure in conversations and time spent with her. However, obviously, she is not he, and she is not the spontaneous thinker and speaker that he is.

The truth is that I missed Husband during those three days.

For one thing, I missed his quiet strength on the highway. He drives protecting me, and he notices every little activity in the scenery around us. I missed hearing “Look at that” every few miles when I do not see “that”. Usually I concentrate on the road and cars around us for fear he might not be focusing.

For another, I missed not having to closely supervise his belongings as well as my own when we left the hotels. In past years, Husband has left several items of clothing in hotels when he packed to come home. I know I had better take another walk around the room before we check out and make certain he has everything. Does that make him sound as if he is a five-year-old child? No, he is not, but he can be quite forgetful.

I missed his joking and teasing with me with highly creative comments. As a person with ADHD, he exhibits much creativity, just as I mentioned in a previous blog post. Today he asked about his bizarre comments, and I can attest that some of his joking does seem bizarre. However, much of the time it is so unexpected or suitable that it takes a second or less for me to catch on before I burst out in explosive laughter.

Another thing I missed his impatience and ability to get mad easily. Traffic and other drivers customarily irritate him. He gets mad because of the pressure associated with driving, and he expresses it by throwing words and comments at other drivers like throwing stones or punches. It is a type of road rage, and I missed not feeling responsible about keeping the rage under control.

I was keenly mindful that I did not need to think for another adult. He was not there to shift much of the decision-making onto me. He was also not there to insist on having his own way as he often does when he wants dominion over where we go and when we do it. He was not there to take control when it would have been nice for him to do so.

Lastly, I missed his presence. Just knowing he is in the room or in this case, the car, creates a sense of completeness and peace for me. Being married to a person with ADHD is not always a matter of stress or being accountable for another’s motivations or focus. It is a matter of appreciating the differences in the way he thinks and behaves.

Today’s comments are not presented as facetious sarcasm. I meant as I said. I missed Husband and all of the quirks I expect to see in his daily behavior.