Sunday, November 30, 2014

First Night Home


“Do you want me to stay the night with you guys?” I asked one last time,

Thanksgiving Evening, we prepared to leave Anna and Ben’s house after a huge meal. Baby Amelia came home on her third day of being born, and we were overjoyed with the prospects of her addition to our family.

“No, we will be OK,” new momma Anna told me. “But I want her to sleep in the bassinet in our room. I’m not ready for her to be in her crib.”

New father Ben and Uncle Kyle assembled it with a certain amount of frustration, but they got it all prepared for the baby.

Anna cried as she lamented that she had not gotten certain preparations completed before the baby was born.

She blamed it on her ADHD way of thinking.

Then she cried that something might happen to the baby as they slept. I assured her that would not happen. I knew the pain from her C-section and fatigue were talking.

So when Anna phoned me crying loudly at 2:17 AM, I immediately asked if the baby was OK.

“Yes, she’s fine. She won’t stop crying. I’ve tried nursing her twice, but it doesn’t help. This is the worst night of my life.”

My own baby and her baby were learning to adjust amid the newness of being home without nurses and with the discomfort of Anna’s stitches.

“This was a stressful day, and she can feel your stress. Let’s get you both relaxed a bit. First of all, stop trying to nurse her. It might upset her stomach.

“Now go sit in that huge comfy rocker you bought for the nursery. Put her against your chest, skin-to-skin. Wrap both of you in blankets and begin rocking. Ask Ben to sit facing you in case you fall asleep. He can help protect both of you.”

In a few minutes Anna texted to say the baby was quiet and resting. Ben was reading from the Bible to them.

Within thirty minutes, Anna phoned again.

“He’s gotten to the part where King Herod had all the babies killed, “she wailed.

I covered the phone, so she wouldn’t hear me laugh. Poor new daddy. He was doing his best to comfort his girls.

“What is the purpose of having a child if there is all this trouble in the world?”

“That is not yours to answer,”  I reminded her. “It is God’s business. Your job is to get quiet and take care of Amelia.”

I didn’t hear from Anna until four hours later.

“She let us sleep 2 ½ hours since I last nursed her. It felt wonderful,” she gushed.

I quickly dressed and woke Grandfather Scott, so we could make the 30 minute-drive to their house.

Amelia and I spent the morning together while Anna got more sleep, and Ben went for her pain medication. He said his mother would spend the rest of the weekend with them.

“Thank heavens!” I said. I had to work the next day, and Grandma Barb is a nurse. I knew all would be better.

ADHD or not, being a new mother presents all type of challenges, especially the first night home alone as a family. I know they will successfully adjust, just as I know grandparents will support in any way feasible.

However, personally, I’m glad that first night is in the past.

 

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

My Pregnant Daughter with ADHD


The months have flown by quickly. It seems just weeks ago when Anna phoned with the news she is pregnant with her first baby, our first grandchild. Now it is a matter of days until delivery.

I love the excitement on Anna’s face and the glow that seems to accompany pregnancy. I believe she and Ben will make terrific parents.

But in the meantime, Anna endures the state of being pregnant while still being a woman with ADHD.

Last week she walked through the door announcing that she was cranky and grumpy. Fatique? Too many things swirling through her mind?

Probably it’s because they painted the baby’s room yet another time. This makes three, and I hope she is satisfied with this color. I thought the other two were lovely, but the second had just a tinge too much lavender in it.

Who paints a baby’s room that color of purple?” she asked.

“You did,’’ I replied. “And it looks perfect for a little girl.”

No, I have to get this changed now. The doctor thinks she can come in two weeks instead of four. I have to get it done. This second color looks like purple slushie with cream thrown in it.”

“Just don’t paint it yourself,” I warned.

Her gallant husband said he wasn’t going to paint again, but he did. And she painted a bit while wearing a face mask.

What does the new color look like? Purple. With some of the edge off it.

But that’s only part of the ADHD issue, which of course is the procrastination. She should have been getting the room ready months earlier.

The entire thought of being a mother simply overwhelms Anna. Even though she longed for this child, endured two miscarriages, and vacillated back and forth as to whether they should try for another pregnancy, she worries.

Three weeks ago she was overwhelmed with the thought of washing all the new baby clothes.

Should I wash the blankets and burp cloths?”

“Well, they are going to be close to her sweet little mouth,” I gushed.

“Good, then that means I don’t have to worry about washing the socks.”

Mom, I wish she could stay inside,” Anna announced one evening. She meant that Amelia will be better off where she’s at.

“No you don’t, and no she won’t.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be a good mother,” she complained referring to her impulsiveness and temper.

Let’s set the record straight. ADHD behaviors do not mean a woman won’t be a good mother. Anna will be creative, funny, and a bit quirky. As well, I predict she will be highly sensitive to her daughter’s emotional needs.

Amelia will grow up where her mother is strict about being tidy because she has to work hard at it. She will make certain Amelia has spiritual values, educational opportunities, and much love. Ben will do the same, and he will help keep Anna on track with her impulsiveness.

It’s such an exciting time in our house, and I expect Ben’s mom and dad are equally excited. Being born into a loving family all the way around will be the greatest blessing for Amelia – even if her mommy gets overwhelmed and off-track much of the time.