An Interview for the Holidays

An opportunity to work with KWCH TV station affords opportunities for our monthly interview on and sponsorship of The Brett and Sierra Show, a community program for persons throughout the Wichita viewing area.

Our latest show on December 3, 2013 allowed us to talk generally about the holiday season and ADHD. Read this brief summary of that conversation, then use the link at the bottom of this page, and watch the interview for yourself.

Brett: Things during the holidays can become hectic for all people. For families that include persons with ADHD, it can be additional struggles. How do the holidays often affect family members with ADHD?

Dr. Atha:  Since it is often the mother who does the planning and the details of preparation, a mother with ADHD is often overwhelmed and undulated by the responsibilities. If there is a father with ADHD, he may become stressed and angry because of the extra money spent during the season. Of course children with ADHD are usually excited about Christmas or the holidays. A child with ADHD may exhibit acting out behaviors.

Sierra: What might we do to soften those worries?

Dr. Atha: If you invite a person to your home for a holiday party, or if the person is a family member, the individual will need options for different activities during the gathering. For instance have several venues such as a set of board games, a food table, a conversation pit, so the individual has reasons to move around without becoming stabilized. It is also a good idea to be aware of the different personalities you have invited to the party.

Sierra: What can do to help our friends with ADHD complete tasks during the holidays?

Dr. Atha: I like to tell people to KISS it – that is Keep it Simple and Simple. Don’t overdue. Don’t over-commit. Not every tradition has your name on it. A close friend or family member can be the gentle accountability person. Give daily reminders. It is so sweet to have a friend ask “What can I do to help?”

Brett: Dr. Atha, you personally know about how ADHD can affect families since your family includes persons with ADHD. What suggestions do you have for families? What does your agency do to help families with ADHD?

Dr. Atha: We ask a lot of questions: “What are your concerns? What has worked for you? What has not worked for you?” We find that families and individuals know more about the solutions to their concerns than they initially think. We don’t tell people what to do; we work with them to discover the answers deep inside themselves.

Did this interview pique your curiosity? Hear more about our conversation by using the link below.

Our next interview will be Tuesday, January 7, 2014. Watch for us at 4:30 PM on Channel 5.

http://www.kwch.com/brett-and-sierra-show/support-those-with-adhd-during-busy-holiday-season/-/22489676/23275288/-/v46wy/-/index.html

 

 

Only One Martha Stewart

Thanks to ADDitude Magazine, I think of Martha Stewart who has made a fantastic name for herself as an American icon of business. In fact, as early as her teen years, she began showing her hand at being a business woman when she worked as a fashion model and in advertising.

Today she is the guru of homemaking and home décor. I don’t know of many women who dislike her style and elegance. Possibly a few resent her perfection, but it seems likely a majority of American woman drool each time they read her magazine or watch her on TV.

She is one of the richest women in America, and when I see her displays, I wonder how many employees worked ridiculously long hours creating and artistically styling holiday decorations both indoors and out-of-doors for the amazement of the audience. Obviously she can afford to hire it done.

For that reason, I resent the turmoil that takes place deep inside me whenever I read her magazine. In fact, the turmoil is so deep, I’ve stopped watching her on TV. I don’t even know if she still airs shows on TV.

I do know that a Martha presentation in my house would take extra hands to help me, and those hands are not available. Money isn’t always available, either.

Yes, Husband is multi-talented and has an eye for artistic arrangements. No, he is not willing to help when I come up with a project that requires his help.

After all, it is not his idea.

Is it ADD or personality, I always ask you and me? I give much of the credit to his oppositional defiance that is part of his ADD. If asked to do something that takes extra energy and effort, and if it is not his idea, he won’t take part.

He shows his stubbornness or purposely does a faulty job, both of which have hurt my feelings countless times.

In the days when I hosted every Christmas get-together for his family, I asked him to paint a small spot on the wall leading upstairs. It was an obvious patch job that had not been finished, and I had been asking him for weeks to get it done. OK, you are not surprised that my Husband with ADHD had not completed a task. When he finally did (about an hour before they arrived), he applied blue paint to a yellow wall. Even a person who is as color-blind as he is could see the startling contrast.

“You used BLUE paint?” I asked incredulously.

“Why not. It’s painted now, isn’t it? After all, it’s just my family.”

“It isn’t for your family, it’s for me,” I nearly screeched. “You were to complete that job because it means something to me.”

I think he walked away mumbling that had I wanted it yellow, I should have painted it myself. Good point.

Martha would have hung the perfect wreath on that same wall. I left the blue patch in hopes someone would comment on it.

Another Christmas, I purchased the materials for Husband to help me build a Barbie house for Oldest Daughter. We couldn’t afford one that was commercially made, and I wasn’t certain how to construct it.

“Why do you want to do something as silly as that? She doesn’t need a doll house.”

“Yes, she does. She plays with her Barbie dolls all the time. It merely needs to be opened on one side with two floors and a pitched roof. I have furniture for it.”

It ended up being hastily thrown together and not at all what I had designed. He painted it in the same blue.

So why I am writing about this? Along with resolving to avoid being Martha, I made another resolve: stop asking him to help with my projects. Of course, that is exactly what he wanted me to do, and it certainly makes for a less-frustrating marriage arrangement.

With the holidays upon us, I offer this advice to the spouse, and I point this mainly at wives, of a person with ADHD. You might need to lower your expectations this year. Stop drooling. Relax. If your spouse will not help with your holiday ideas, let them go, or modify them to your own time and skills. If your ADHD spouse likes projects, begin now for next year. Don’t wait until the last few days before the holidays for putting your ideas in motion.

I doubt even Martha Stewart does last-minute projects.