5 Reasons Why you NEED to be Involved at Your ADHD Child's School...

Yesterday during dinner, Husband lamented on how much he misses his mother.

“She’s been dead 38 years, 11 months, and 27 days, and I think about her almost every day.”

“Evidently. That’s rather exact counting.”

“Yes,” he proceeded without catching the hint of sarcasm.”She was so involved in our lives when we were kids. You know that she volunteered at our elementary schools. Teachers and other kids loved her.”

“I am quite aware of her involvement in your lives and how much fun she generated. What brought that up? Why are we talking about this?”

“It was something you said about being right-brained and needing support.”

He was right. I do tend to talk a great deal about ADHD and how it affects the people who live with attention deficit. My Mother-in-law didn’t realize she modeled great strategies for mothering children with ADHD.

I suspect that she also was a person living with ADHD, and she merely used her skills as an outlet for her own creativity. I want to be clear about this: I deeply loved her; she was a super person to know. She made us laugh, and she loved us.

Husband was correct. The child with ADHD, often called the right-brained child, needs much support at school, and whenever it is possible, the parent who can volunteer at his or her child’s school creates positive connections. 

Here are five top reasons why parents of ADHD students profit from being involved at their kids’ schools:

1. Parents model ways of caring for others.

2. Parents and teachers get to know each other.

3. Parents make friends with other parents.

4. Parents are available when their children need support.

5. Your child will be glad to see you there.

“Mom was always friendly with other parents and other kids. She was just a friendly and kind face to everyone in the building.”

“I am curious. What did this do for you as a kid?”

“It was always good to see Mom. She was a part of everything in my life.”

“I think her presence provided the structure your ADHD self needed.”

“Oh, yes. I would have to answer to Mom if I got into trouble in school or failed to get my work done. I never thought of this before, that is, I never thought that with her in the building, it was better for me.”

Turn in Your Homework

Today I came across an old photo of Crown Prince, our only son. I seldom write about him in the blog on ADHD, but occasionally it seems quite appropriate to at least mention his name.

Only this time I want to do more than mere name reference.

In the picture a most serious little face stares back at me through large glasses. Because he was small for his age, the 11 year old boy appears to be quite younger, at least in the photo. In real life, he seemed much older, especially when comparing his functioning to his size.

Teachers often bragged about his quick ability to learn and his quest for knowledge. Lest he become arrogant or proud of his intelligence, his Grandfather loving reminded him, “Remember son, wherever you go in life, you will always meet someone who knows more than you do about some subject.”

“Yes, sir, Grandpa,” my son wisely replied.

Yet, even though he learned quickly and retained a huge amount of information, his school report card didn’t always reflect it. Whenever I saw grades of C on his card, I was alarmed. It meant he had not been completing assignments.

So, being a prudent mom, off I would march to the elementary school.

I remember one particular conversation with Mr. Rick, one of the teachers in the gifted program at that school.

“I wanted to touch base with you about my son’s math grade. What’s been going on with him that he only earned a C this quarter?”

“He’s a great kid and pretty sharp in math,” Mr. Rick countered.

“I’m aware of that, so why didn’t he earn a higher grade?”

“He doesn’t turn in his daily assignments. He does really well during class discussions and on tests, but the grade reflects his assignments.”

“You mean he doesn’t do them?”

“Oh, I see him working on them, but he doesn’t turn them in as I have directed.”

“Which is what?”

“Put his name on the paper and place it in the assignment basket on the counter. Many of his assignments are missing. I record assignments daily, and I will ask about them. Your son says he’s done them, but still fails to turn them in.”

“Can you ask the school secretary to send my son to your classroom while I am here?”

In a few minutes my precious child was standing in Mr. Rick’s class with his eyes wide and a frightened expression on his face.

“Mom! What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you, too. I wanted to know why you only earned a C in math this quarter. I thought you were handling the concepts rather well.”

“Sure, I get it.”

“Well, Mr. Rick says you’re not getting the part where you turn in your assignment.”

“I turn them in. I always finish my work.”

“I’ve asked you several days in a row to turn in your assignments. You didn’t do it,” his teacher countered.

Before my son could argue, I asked him to pull all papers out of his math notebook.

“Bingo! I see at least seven assignment papers,” I exclaimed.

My son’s face turned crimson as he stammered some sort of excuse. I didn’t even waste the time in my mind to listen. I was too busy looking for additional assignments which I found buried in a stack of drawings of airplanes and other mechanical illustrations.

“So, I think you should be following your teacher’s process for turning in these assignments. At your age, he shouldn’t have to chase them down from you.”

“Yes, Momma.” I have to admit, the way he said those words melted my heart.

Later Husband recalled that his teachers had him clean and search his desk every Friday for late assignments and throw-away trash.

A major difference was that my son is not a person with ADHD.

The similarity is that my son lost focus and became disorganized with his math.

That was the only year I made the effort to check regularly on my child’s math assignments. After that, I allowed him to learn from the consequences. Today he has earned two Masters degrees and controls his responsibilities well.

The scene plays out many times in the lives of students with ADHD in middle school and high school. Parents and teachers struggle as they attempt to lead these students to complete homework and turn it in. Students get frustrated as they battle disorganization and the nagging adults.

It can become a matter of finding and using the right incentive with the student. Coaching lends a hand when it comes to remaining on focus.  At McNay & Voth ADHD services, we help parents and student find those incentives.

 

 

 

 

 

My Mannequin Daughter

“Where’s Baby Sis?” my Mother seemed in a panic. She worried about losing one of my children in the shopping mall every time we went shopping with her.

She referred to my youngest child, my beautiful, creative kid with ADHD, who was about seven years of age at the time.

“Don’t worry,” I assured Mom. “She’s right here.” I pointed to the mannequin display in the center of the wide mall hall.

“Where? I don’t see her.” Mother continued in her scared voice.

“Here,” I said as I walked over to the display and pointed to my child.

Mother began to laugh with relief and with totally surprised amusement. Baby Sis stood completely still, posed like the mannequin.

On the dais or raised platform, my skinny kid with long legs and huge green eyes had positioned herself with bent arms and legs to look like the figure with no head. She only moved her eyes a slight bit as people walked past her. Otherwise, she was perfectly still.

It would have been difficult for my hyper child to pose like that for any length of time, but she managed to do it.

This was not the first or last time she attempted such a trick, but each time I laughed as if I had not seen it before. I still laugh when I recall how she looked.

“Do you remember when Baby Sis would be the mannequin?” Oldest Daughter asked me a few days ago.

Then we both literally burst out in laughter.

“Oh, definitely! She bent her arms, twisted her neck and head, and stood there perfectly still. I would see other shoppers break out in giggles when they past her, but she never broke her stance.”

After nearly 25 years, we remember with delight the many antics this classic ADHD child thought of and acted out on impulse.

Oldest Daughter recalled the cholla cactus we brought home from New Mexico as we traveled in a small motor home. Husband dug it up from the side of the road and placed it in a huge bucket near the back of the vehicle. We cautioned our small child to stay away from the thorns, but the temptation was too great.

Two hours later we heard her scream loudly as she cried, “That sticker bit me!”

My older two children hollowed with laughter, and so did I after I made certain she was not injured badly.

“I told you not to touch it,” I reminded.

“But I wanted to see it,” she justified herself.

“Seeing and touching are two different things.”

“No, Mommy. I can’t see it without touching,” she explained in her most serious voice.

She assured me she had seen enough of the strange plant to last a lifetime.

Even now, Oldest Daughter said, “We knew it was a matter of time. Crown Prince and I were just waiting to see how long it would take her to get stuck with a thorn.” And then she laughed again with tears of amusement streaming down her cheeks.

“Her impulsivity led her to do some really interesting things,” I agreed.

“Still does,” remarked her sister. “She makes me laugh every time we are together.”

“She’s like your Dad in that regard. And she has it down to an art: quick comments that literally zing me. She does it with a straight face, just as he does.” I almost bragged.

“Yes,” agreed her sister. “Remember when we went tanning last weekend? My sister waited with me while you finished. I whispered that the girl at the counter seemed rather dull-witted. I mean she just did not come across as bright at all.”

“What did your sister say or do?”

“She turned toward me in a half-second, pulled her lips into that characteristic expression of disdain, and without missing a beat she made one of her comments.”

“Did I tell you MENSA has more than 50,000 members in the United States alone?” she asked seriously.

“I’ll tell you, Mom, I did not expect her to say something like that. I’m surprised you didn’t hear me laughing .”

If I had heard, I would have known Baby Sis said or did something impulsively.