Obnoxious

“You know what, Mom?”

Oldest Daughter has used that opening since the day she was three years old, and she wanted to tell me that God is a woman.

So when she began the conversation with it, I knew to listen intently. She was about to make one of her profound observations. When she took a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper before proceeding, I knew it was going to be a serious conversation.

“This guy is our city networking group is obnoxious in the way I think some ADD people are obnoxious.  If one person says something or explains something, this guy has to make a comment.”

“Does he seem impulsive with his remarks?”

“Impulsive?” she said with her best incredulous tone, “The words fly out of his mouth, constantly.”

“I once heard a professional describe mania in that same way. Maybe he is a person with bipolar disorder.”

“No,” she said emphatically. “He is a dumbass who always has a comment for everything.”

“That bad, huh?”  I laughed. “So, what types of comments does he make?”

“He cannot leave any conversation alone. The speaker today was talking about her carpet-cleaning business. He kept interrupting her with vulgar insinuations about the types of stains people get on their carpets.”

“When I talked about ADHD coaching a few weeks ago, he took a couple of cheap shots at me.

“And here’s the thing: whenever he thinks he says something cute or cool, he looks around at everyone with this silly smirk on his face.”

She knew the remark about cheap comments would get my attention. I inquired about them, but she pointedly ignored me. I felt she might also ignore me if I defended adults with ADHD.

Finally I asked, “How old does he appear to be?”

“Early to mid forties.”

“Oh! So this is not a man in his twenties or early thirties who is acting like an adolescent.”  I mulled.

But I continued, “I am imaging about 6 foot tall with dark hair, slim built, wearing pullover Polo shirts and khaki pants. You know, business dress every day of the week.”

“You got the shirt and pants right. This guy is about 5 -9, pudgy all over, with greasy, dirty brown hair. He drives a Pontiac convertible about 10 years old that looks like it has seen better days. I call it a beater.”

“You are not painting a pretty picture here,” I answered.

“No, indeed,” she went on, “And to top that off, he always sits in front of me at all our meetings. I mean he is typical of the person who opens his mouth without thinking, and he singles me out to irritate. He drives me nuts.

”I’ve wondered ; how does this set with his customers? I heard he can be quite rude and offensive to them.  He needs to grow up.”

I asked her, “I know that immature and childish behavior is not uncommon among certain ADD adults. It’s rather difficult for other adults to know what to make of it. What kind of work does he do?”

“He owns an insurance business, and I would call him a salesman, the shoddy, pushy kind. Another thing that bothers me is that it is said he does quite well with it.”

“Meaning he makes good money in his business? Ironic.  He must not offend everyone.”  I commented.

“Here’s what I think,” she countered. “They buy a policy to shut him up and get him out of their houses or off their phones.”

I couldn’t let the conversation end on that note of frustration. “If he truly is a person with ADHD, I should remind you that he needs others to respond with a degree of compassion. This is already a difficult social situation for him and others who in his social circle. I challenge you to create skillful reactions when you are around him.”

Those readers who know Oldest Daughter can imagine how she rolled her eyes at me.