Managing Money, a First Lesson

I deeply admire Husband’s mathematical talents and abilities. He remembers more than seven digits at once, understands calculations beyond Algebra II, and can add and subtract lists of numbers in his head.

He inherited this ability from his Dad. Father-in-law was a mathematician and engineer. He understood the language of numbers and was good in numeracy.

So, I wonder, why didn’t Husband understand financial literacy when we first married? For that matter, why didn’t I? We understood the concept of money, and I totally got it that bills should be paid on time.

We both understood the concept of spending, but I think saving to spend later was not a concept Husband totally comprehend. Why be concerned about investing when there is no extra money?

Saving money and paying bills can be totally abstract concepts. They require self-discipline and control. Like many persons with ADHD, Husband responded more to the concrete things before him. On occasions when he did have a plan, the desire to buy the item of the moment superseded the need to save for something larger, such as a house.

Coupled with his tendency toward stinginess in actually parting with his own money, and the convenience of credit cards, his approach to financial management was hit and miss at best.

Paying bills was not always his best use of his math skills. Approximately 18 months into the marriage, I discovered he used the old “tear and throw method” to bills.  He would tear and throw away the ones he did not feel like paying that month.

One afternoon, I took trash to the outside bin. Immediately I ran back inside.

“Where is the number for our trash service?” my voice tense with anger.

“Why do you ask? Husband answer casually, without much concern.

“Trash is stacked against the side of the garage. They have not been picking it up. It looks terrible out there.” I reached for the phone and number.

Before I could begin to dial, Husband took the phone receiver. “I don’t think you should do that.”

“Why not, we pay for a service,” I continued in my firmest executive tone.

“No-o-o,” he drawled. “We haven’t.”

“We haven’t what?” I demanded.

“I haven’t paid that trash bill for three months, and they sent me a notice that no more service until I do.”

“Then get on the phone yourself, right now, and phone them. Put it on one of your credit cards. I expect service to be reinstated as soon as possible.”

I am certain when the credit card bill came, I paid it myself.

That was another point. Even before we married I found out the wisdom in keeping my own checking account. Planning ahead to spend was not part of Husband’s financial habits.

Six weeks before we married, he handed me a card for my birthday. It was still unsigned and in a sack because he had stopped to purchase it before coming to get me.

“Oh, wait a minute, he said. With a flair of producing a pen, he hurriedly opened the card and signed his name.

Then he said, “Wait, I forgot something else.” With that he opened his checkbook and wrote me a check for a present.

“I think you can buy yourself some fabric or something you might want to use for our wedding.”

He obviously felt relief that he had remember to give his soon-to-be bride a birthday present.

“Well, thank you,” I stammered.  I distinctly remember feeling devalued to one more chore on his list.

Now I know that his spending habits were a matter of impulsivity and lack of appropriate training. Like many persons with ADHD, my young husband was a man of the moment when it came to handling money.