Driving Lessons

Most couples talk about experiences related to their teen years, especially when they are young adults and the teen years are not that far behind them.

However, Husband and I often talk about our teen years even though it has been more than 40 years since we were adolescents.

Teen years really impacted us both in how much our parents did or did not have any real power of us. Mine did over me; his did not over him. Together we experienced many hidden fears and anxieties during the years from ages 15-20.

Both of us continue to carry hurts and insecurities developed during those years. Sometimes I think we are both real messes do to the teen experiences.

Today we talked about the risks involved with adolescence, at-risk behavior for teens with ADHD, and the relation of risk to driving.

“Mom and Dad did not allow me to drive much,” I complained for the humpteenth time in our marriage.

“I know,” he said. “You couldn’t drive their car unless you were going on an errand for them.”

“You had a car and the ability to drive,” I said. “But I remember you said you almost failed driver’s education. I find that strange.”

Driving a massive and powerful machine can be precarious for the teen with ADHD. Research shows that teens with ADHD demonstrate numerous problems in operating a car such as with speeding tickets, chancy decisions, and other citations that can lead to license suspensions.

“Were you afraid to drive?” I asked him.

“I really was afraid. I felt like a failure because I had to beg the instructor for my license, so I could go to the prom that week. That was the only reason I passed the test.”

That is not surprising. Driving requires being able to think in numerous directions at once. It likely puts great strain on the executive functions of the brain.  Many teens with ADHD are at-risk for impaired driving skills that result in crashes and other accidents.

“You’ve not been the cause of an accident that I know of,” I told Husband. “Why were you afraid?”

“It was the power of the car and the responsibility that went along with driving it. For one thing, driving was something other people did, not me. I couldn’t see myself doing it.  For another, at the time I suppose to be learning to drive, the vehicles were huge and rather scary. We’re talking a massive 1966 Plymouth. Also, I think I needed lessons designed specifically for me; instead of being part of a group, I needed tutorial lessons that met my individual needs. The issue was that I was in a class of 25 others, and most of them had experience driving.  My driving experience was with Mom. She was going to be the one who drove.  ‘ Get in the car, sit down, shut up, and hang on’ was her way of doing things.”

Since I know how Mother-in-law drove, I snickered at his comment.

He went on. “She did not let me drive home from the driving test. I had failed the test two times, and essentially the third; that night was the prom.  When we got home, she handed me the keys to her big 1956 Buick station wagon and told me to drive around the block by myself. She said to go slowly. That drive around the block made everything fall into place, and I realized I was quite able to drive a car – as long as I was aware of the situations around me. As I was more able to go out on my own, my confidence grew as I saw how strangely other people drove.

“Here’s the humorous part of this. I drove the 1959 Buick to the prom, which was also a huge car, and most of the way home from the prom, I forgot to turn on the lights.  It was about 9:30 or so, and I kept wondering why everybody was blinking lights at me.”