Clues on our first date

I vividly remember our first date, the first time around. Yes, that means we dated two different periods in our lives. This first date took place on a bitter cold and icy night when the roads in our south-central Kansas town were slick and treacherous.

He was determined we should continue with our arrangement. Of course, I really wanted to go out with him, so I was eager that the weather would not spoil our date. I didn’t know how much courage it had taken him to drive on icy roads, but thinking back on it, I am more impressed that he thought about Plan B.

He actually took the initiative and thought it through.  Since I lived on the route he drove home, he asked if he could pick me up earlier after he got off work at our university library.

He drove carefully and cautiously because that is what he does on icy streets, especially when he feels he is on display of some type.

I met his mother that night, which could actually be an entire other blog. She was as winsome and non-pretentious as he was, and quite funny – just like her son. I waited in the living room with her while he dressed for our date.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

I explained we wanted to see the old Disney Movie Song of the South.

She laughed and told me “he sings through all musicals”, and she laughed again when I said, “Not with me, he won’t.”

She knew her son.

He appropriately wore jeans, a blazer, and boots. His sister told him he looked liked “Little Abner”, and he blushed. Like many individuals with ADHD, he struggled with low self-esteem.

Among the many fun events of the evening, I remember his comment when a rather large individual walked down the theatre aisle, “Isn’t Weight Watchers wonderful?” He had been successful on the program, so he thought he should comment on all people who needed to lose weight.

As to the singing, his mother was correct. Since he did not want to embarrass himself on our first outing, he covered his mouth and muffed it a bit, but he couldn’t help it. When the desire to sing was more than he could control, he shuffled his feet as if dancing. It was charming in a manner of speaking because I was delighted to be with him.

With him being tall, blonde, and looking a bit like a Greek god, I felt honored to be his date, and because we were early Twentysomething, his singing and dancing seemed like he was joking. Sure. Joke.

Over the next 40 years, if I had a nickel for each time this impulsivity embarrassed me in public, I might be fiscally wealthy.

Of course I now know that impulsivity is one of the symptoms of ADHD, and it is one of the central clusters of the disorder, which occur as sources of impairment in major areas of life such as home, work (school), and social settings.

I would agree that a first date is a major social setting. Singing in the theatre and attempting to dance while sitting is a social setting.

Impulsivity is difficult to control, and I have learned not to be responsible for his impulsive comments or behaviors. I have also learned that we should have little cues when he is beginning to point negative attention to himself. Some people just do not understand him as I do. They are not at all tolerant of impulsive comments.

The control mechanism in his brain does not function the same as mine, but I must admit, he can be much more colorful and interesting than many people when it does not.