Is It ADHD or Personality?

Is It ADHD or Personality?

The above question comes up frequently among professionals and family members of persons with ADHD. All in all, do the idiosyncrasies in behavior or speech have a reason? Can we blame all the originality on ADHD and executive functioning?

Today Husband told me a joke: “A man’s wife sent him to the grocery store. ‘Get a gallon of milk and if they have eggs, get six.’ Later the man came home with six gallons of milk. ‘Why did you get six gallons of milk?’ she asked. ‘Because they had eggs.’  he replied.”

I caught it straight way. Husband said his sister told him “It might take you a bit to catch the meaning.”

“Not at all,” said Husband. “I knew exactly what the man was going to do.”

At that, we both laughed because we both knew that Husband knew.

Is it because of ADHD or is it his unique personality?

My adult children tell me I attribute too much to ADHD which they think serves as an excuse or cushion for certain behaviors.

“He does those things because he is from his family line,” they claim.

Professionals tell me that after enough trials at certain learned behaviors (all behavior is learned), the repetition encodes the behavior into the personality.

If that is so, then eccentric sayings or spontaneous comments have become part of Husband’s personality.

He has his own lexicon for certain words: His psychiatrist’s office is the wack shack, mall walking is wall mocking, his unemployment benefits were his welfare check, and when he worked at a mortuary, he called it the bod shop, to name only a few.

Many times, I burst into my characteristic unconstrained laughter at his comments. I suppose this is a form of reinforcing his behavior.

He gets certain ideas in his head, and they will not go away. He thought I needed a bike with hand brakes and hand gear shifts. I thought I needed a bike with foot brakes and only the gear that comes on regular retro bikes. We got the one with handbrakes, and when I couldn’t ride it, he bought me a bike like I wanted.

 Later he thought we had too many neglected bikes in our yard, which we did. “So,” he said, “I gave the one with footbrakes to charity and kept the one with handbrakes.”

 “That was the bike I wanted to keep,” I protested.

“You weren’t riding it, so out it went,” he told me. He had a beautiful three-wheel bike restored for me.

It has handbrakes.

I attribute his actions to the way his brain works. My children say it is because he is his parents’ son.

As I have mentioned before, it is difficult for the person with ADHD to hear all that is said, and to say exactly what they mean. Socially, and even at home, people leave subtle hints. It has been difficult for Husband to pick up on those clues, which in turn causes him much frustration and confusion.

As his wife and friend, it is important I understand him and his behavior. Due to his above average intelligence and natural wit, he has much to offer me and others.