Dance Like No One is Looking

Husband picked me at work about 8 P.M. last Tuesday, and I asked if he had eaten supper.

“No, I’m kinda hungry.” He has a way of rolling his eyes toward me when he hoping for an additional offer.

“So where would you like to go? I’ll take you out since you are driving for me.”

“Let’s just go over here to Jimmie’s Diner. It’s close, and they have pancakes.”

Pancakes have always been one of his favorite staples. I know he is not feeling well or is feeling depressed when he refuses pancakes.

This night he was in a more normal mood. Besides Jimmie’s has a long standing in our personal history. It used to be called Kings-X after Jimmie King.

Kings-X holds a vital role in Wichita’s dining history.  In 1938, King, a cook for the old White Castle Hamburgers, which also started in Wichita, bought several of White Castle stores and opened one of the finest hamburger, milk shake, and breakfast traditions ever seen in the city.

Forty years ago, Husband and I went to Kings-X for many breakfast dates where he ordered the five-star special including fried apples. I know he knows his pancakes. It suffices to say pancakes and Jimmie’s means much more to him than a simple and inexpensive breakfast meal.

Jimmie’s utilizes a 50’s theme where waitresses wear pony tails, poodle skirts, and when they can find them, saddle oxfords. The restaurant follows the Kings-X tradition of being a type of neighborhood place to eat.

Best of all they play pop tunes from the 40’s and 50’s.  Diners don’t even have to get out of their cars before they hear the blast of oldie tunes and rhythms such as Purple People Eater, Only You, and The Stroll to name only the first three that come to my mind.

This night, Husband’s eyes lit up as we pulled into the parking lane. He didn’t even wait to get out of the car before shaking his head and gyrating his shoulders. His blood was starting to pump, and I think he was tapping the pavement as soon as his toes touched it.

“Is it speaking to you?” I laughed.

He didn’t even respond. As I rounded the front of the car he was already striding into the building with his head slightly down and his feet crossing over each other in a Stroll. He moved his shoulders, arms, and hips in fluid motion in time with his feet.

He never minds that the entire world may be watching because he dances as if he is alone in the universe.

“That’s the man I know,” I encouraged as he smiled and winked. I’ve seen him dance in public many times, and even have pushed away when he grabbed me to dance with him in the aisle of a grocery or drugstore.

Happy moments like this don’t often crop up these days, but for a few minutes he reverted back to the young man I married, full of humor and ready to clown around.

Depression doesn’t often let him be that jovial person, but I consider it a blessing that for a short time that evening, he danced, enjoyed his pancakes, and remembered other instances of what went before. He was dancing as if no one was looking.

Christmas Traditions

Oldest Daughter was three, and Crown Prince was two months old when Husband instructed me, “Atha, I want there to be several gifts under the Christmas tree for each child every year.”

I correctly interpreted this to mean he wanted me to buy and wrap those several presents.

“How many is several?” I asked.

“Oh, 20-25 each ought to do it.”

“How many?” I gasped.

“Mom used to make certain we four kids had that many presents each, and I want to continue the tradition with my kids.”

I bit my lip to keep from telling him to start shopping. Instead I asked, “What kind of gifts? Did she really spend that much money?”

Knowing that Father-in-law could be tight with money, I didn’t expect she spent hundreds of dollars on presents in the 1950’s.

“Oh, she might wrap one colorful pencil. Sometime she wrapped socks for us boys or nail polish for the girls, but she made sure we had several packages to unwrap. You know – hats, gloves, shirts, candy, and bubble bath, things like that.”

“Did you go around the room and open them one at a time, like Grandma Lutz taught us to do?”

“Yes. The fun for Mother was wrapping packages in front of us and going shopping with money she really didn’t have. She might wrap a package and hand it to me. Then she would say: ‘Go put a name tag on this.’ I would ask her which name. ‘Well, yours,’ she would say, ‘Didn’t you see me wrap it?’ “

For some strange reason, at the time, I thought this was funny. Now, I see the ADHD way of thinking, and it seems a bit farcical.

Whether it was or not, I did as Husband requested, and every year I began going to garage sales in September to find bargains on toys and play items. I kept a hidden list that helped me keep track of the number of gifts for each child. It had to be an identical amount.

You notice we kept Husband’s family tradition, and you also notice I am the one who did all the work.

Husband knew how to cut himself a great deal of slack during those holidays. He might assemble a toy I bought, or carry a box of goodies I baked. He knew how to keep one tradition alive, the one tradition that had his name on it in a manner of speaking. Where I was influenced by the traditions thrown at me from commercials and marketers, the one tradition he considered important came from his Mother’s ability to think outside the box (no pun intended).

Persons with ADHD and their family members can take a lesson from this: not all holiday traditions have your name on them. Husband wisely chose one that held a treasure of memories for him, and that is where he put his focus. Even today, he never allows the season to become overstimulating or overwhelming for himself. I recommend you keep your traditions simple. Don’t develop to-do lists filled with items you likely will not even look at.

For additional resources and help with ADHD, contact McNay & Voth Coaching Services at www.coachADHD.com or 316-771-7557.