New Mercies We See

This morning, I was thrilled when Julie, our worship leader, invited the congregation to sing the favorite old hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness.

My friend, Patty, and I usually tell each other when we sing it in our separate worship services, so I thought I would be texting her to say that we sang it. Instead, I’m sharing it with my readers.

“We’re going to sing all three stanzas,” Julie said. And then the pianist played through the chorus as we prepared to sing. Of course, Husband sang the words to it as she played.

He doesn’t sing or whisper in a quiet voice, and when he got to the last two measures, where the words are “Lord, unto me,” he changed the words, ”Sing all three verses.”

I laughed loudly and continued to laugh as the others sang “Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father.”  I mean it; I laughed a full chuckle and my shoulders shook. It was a splendid moment.

It was all I could do to concentrate on “There is no shadow of turning with Thee.”

Husband ignored me and sand with gusto. He glanced at me as if to say “What?”

When he gets into a song of any genre, he sings with gusto as if throwing his full soul into the words and the music itself.

This is the man I once knew, many years ago, before depression robbed him of spontaneous, impulsive retorts and comments and humor. “Thy compassions, they fail not. As thou hast been thou forever wilt be.”

It’s been several months since this side of him as shown its face.  Is it the new antidepressant? He claims he doesn’t feel much different since he began taking it this week, but I see glimpses that indicate something positive is happening.

If it’s not the new medication, possibly it was the clear bright white sunshine that accompanied us to church.  I hope it is a combination of both.

The song was perfect for today’s moments: “Summer and winter and springtime and harvest, Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above join with all nature in manifold witness to thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.”

If the depression lifts even a small amount, it is a reason to rejoice and thank God for our tremendous psychiatrist and the chemical knowledge known to raise the natural compounds in his brain.

But if it doesn’t lift much, there is always reason to thank God for the doctor and God’s generous goodness to us. “Great is they faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see.”

Today’s scene was a new mercy for the day. “All I have needed, thy hand hath provided.”

That’s it in a nutshell. All we have needed, God is faithful and willing to supply it. And that can mean a quick impulsive humor or the joy of a hearty laugh.

I share today’s moment for all my friends who are persons with ADHD and who also struggle with depression of any degree. At McNay & Voth ADHD Services, we desire to encourage persons with ADHD and their families in their daily struggles. We invite you to contact us, so we can help you identify a moment God has provided for you.

 

 

 

Independence Day

As we celebrate the birth and growth of our nation, I am prone to measure it up to the birth and growth of my own children. Like our nation, they have achieved success through struggles, wise choices, and not-so-wise choices.

I especially think of my youngest daughter, who is a person with ADHD. As did her Dad, she struggled with the challenges of accepting herself and her behaviors from the time she was a small child, and it was quite difficult for her during her teens and early adult years. In fact, it still can be difficult for her now as she continually checks impulsive comments or her filter for temper control.

She required a cheerleader at home, a role I was always willing to fill. Building her self-esteem was essential to her development in spite of the ADHD. I protected her best interests in school and at church and even among family. Her grandmother did the same because she understood my daughter. Grandmother saw many similar patterns between herself and my daughter, and she and I often shared phone calls and laughter about Baby Sis’ latest adventures.

One Thursday morning, Mother phoned to say, “What does Baby Sis do Wednesday evenings? Isn’t she a part of Girls Auxiliary at church?”

Immediately my radar beeped. “Yes, And why are you asking?”

“Do you know she phones me from church each Wednesday at about 7:30? She just wants to talk about her day at school.”

In my mind’s eye, I saw the hall phone at the church and how a ccessible it would be for my daughter.

Mother and I laughed because we knew that by 7:30, my daughter would be fidgety and bored.  A trip to the bathroom and then the phone would alleviate the boredom, but that didn’t excuse the fact I needed to talk to her about it without her knowing that Grandmother told me.

The effort involved boosting her self-confidence while directing her behavior. She needed to hear that I loved and supported her and believed she could do the right thing. She faced enough difficulties and criticism on a daily basis that she did not need to feel Grandmother and I teamed against her. Love on the home front was the solace she craved.

I often set aside special time with my daughter such snack time after school, or an impromptu lunch outing during the school day. While I ate, she talked and talked about whatever was on her mind. It was positive attention, and it worked magic on her self-esteem. Whenever I saw opportunity, I praised her for all types of things many of which revolved around her humor and creativity. Praise builds confidence, but it must be genuine.  Often I identified one of her many strengths and talked with her about it: her ability to draw pictures and write short stories about them, her musical talents, the way she caused me to laugh heartily throughout her life, or her sincere kindness to others.

I also built her confidence with fairly administered discipline. It did not punish, but it taught and allowed her to learn from consequences and to connect the links to appropriate behavior. You likely know the phrase for it; it’s call tough love.

Today she is an independent adult and wife. Like our nation, she experienced the pangs associated with growth, and I am proud of her as well as her two siblings. She recognizes the value of her personal freedom, and she acts accordingly as she strives for continued growth and improvement. Not-so-like our nation, she acknowledges her dependence on God both in the past and for the future.

At McNay & Voth, we desire to help other parents as they raise children with ADHD. We want to help the teen or young adult who struggles with the challenges of ADHD. We yearn to support adults who have late diagnosis of ADHD.

Please contact us at 316-655-9807 or www.coachADHD.com and allow us to rally round you.

 

 

Christmas Reconciliation

Many years ago, my Mother told me: “The most important thing that boy needs to know is God’s love. He needs to know Jesus.”

She referred to my not-yet Husband whom I had been dating a few weeks. I agreed heartily for when I first met Husband, he demonstrated one of the lowest self-esteems I had ever seen.

A few years later he came to me nearly in tears, “Pat at work told me I would go to Hell if I died today. We were discussing religions, and I told her that I am a Christian Scientist. She said that means I am neither a Christian or a scientist. She went on to say the Bible tells us to believe on the saving work of Jesus Christ. Without it, all that Christian Science readings will do is damn me to eternal punishment.”

In one of the most difficultly honest moments of my life, I gazed straight into his beautiful eyes filled with pain. “She’s right. And why did you tell her you are Christian Science? That’s your Dad’s religion. Do you tell everyone you are a Christian Scientist? I don’t believe you really except that rubbish.”

He continued with his questions, “What does she mean about the saving work of Jesus? How will I know where to find it? I had these same questions when I was 12 years old, and no one was there to tell me. You are the only Christian besides Pat who has attempted to do so.”

So I opened a Bible and began to mark Scriptures from the New Testament in the book of Romans and asked him to read chapters 1 through 10. I hardly slept that night as I prayed for him to understand the loving truth of God’s word.

Early the next day, he said: “I read the entire book of Romans. Then I got down on my knees and asked God to show me what I had to do to have Jesus as my Savior. I did it. I now know what it means.”

The change in his demeanor was immediately apparent, and other changes developed over time. Within a few weeks, he read the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation because he was so thirsty to know what God had to say to him.

He has often said, “Before I became a Christian, my life was filled with emptiness and despair. My lifestyle showed it, and I felt terribly unloved and unlovable. “

From what I have learned about ADHD over the years, much of his pain stemmed from the negativity and rejection he felt due to the behaviors associated with attention deficit.

I am not saying that Christian teaching is the answer to the behaviors and problems associated with ADHD. I am saying that persons with ADHD need to know they are valuable in God’s economy; their lives have meaning, and they can be reconciled with God in spite of any mistakes or behaviors they have experienced.

As to the lovely woman who was brave enough to witness to Husband at work, many years later after we married and had three small children, he introduced me to her at a grocery store.

“Please stand over there,” I asked him. Then I told her the story. “I am most honored to meet you. I have always wanted to thank you for your kind bravery and concern for him.”

On this day when Christians throughout the world celebrate the fact God sent His Son to be the Savior of the world, I pray all who read my blog will know they are in right standing with God. Will you be able to say you are reconciled with God?

For further information about ADHD and for coaching helps to set and maintain effective goals, contact McNay & Voth Coaching Services at www.coachadhd.com or 316-771-7557.

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy 2013.

 

Transforming Love and Candor

I have found a long-lost acquaintance on Facebook, and the delightful part is seeing her stepson, Bobby, in photos across the page.

Bobby is a man with Down Syndrome who often visited the Sunday Bible Class we taught for many years. Seeing his picture brings to mind the joy and fulfillment we experienced working with that wonderful group of adults.

Did I mention they were adults with various disabilities, especially what we called Developmental Disabilities?

That means they were at various levels of mental retardation or delay.

I told Husband, “You should see Bobby’s picture. He looks like a version of his Dad.”

“How do you remember those people and their names? I can barely connect Bobby to his Dad, and that is because I knew his Dad’s cousin, Roy.”

“It’s a curse, really. Although there are times when I have to tell people I remember their faces, but not their names.”

“That was a long time ago,” Husband said, taking me back to the original conversation.

“Wasn’t it great?”

“Well, sort of. At least it was for you.”

I looked him straight in the eye. “Those men and women really loved and respected you. They can remember your name much faster than mine, and I was the actual teacher. I did most of the work.”

“Well, yeah, I guess it was my charm.”

“I am convinced it was the way you treated them. You were genuine with them.”

“You were genuine. You really loved that work.”

“Yes, I still love the thought of those guys.”

Husband stared at me. “Can I, can I , can I t-t-t tell you something?” We both laughed because Pat, a member of the class always began his conversation with that phrase.

“Seriously, I want to tell you something. Sometimes I resented those people. It took 15 functioning adults to make one of them look independent. As normal as possible.” He added that last phrase in a mocking tone.

I contemplated that for a while. “Yes, it did, but it didn’t hurt us. Look what God did through us in that class.”

I began to call names, ”Don, Carrie, Dwain, who married Michele, that Campbell girl whose first name escapes me. Lisa, Lisa Campbell. All of them are now deceased, and all went into eternity knowing the God who loved them.”

Husband remembered them all, “What was it Don told you about coming to Sunday School? You asked him if he liked coming and staying for worship.”

“Don said he liked hearing that God loved him. ‘I never knewed that before.’ And he didn’t because he had been abused and exploited. We were there when he prayed to receive Christ.”

As I looked at Husband, I said, “And you were part of it with your matter-of-fact way of working with them.  They loved you for being you with them.”

Husband reflected on our conversation for a few minutes. “It is like you always say. Those people are more like you and me than different from us.”

I recalled a time when we visited one of the group homes, and I began to laugh.

“Do you remember when you walked into the TV room where Rick and some of the guys were watching a movie?” I asked.

“Yes, I remember! It was filthy with all sorts of half-naked women running around with their butts hanging out of their swimsuits. I told those guys they should change the channel. That movie was not good for them to watch.”

“Well, your final comment to them demonstrated what I mean about your matter-of-fact way of being around those people. Rick said, ‘But we like it.’”

Husband turned a bit red. “Oh, yeah. Afterwards I was afraid my flippant remark would cause trouble.”

By this time I was laughing again at Husband’s bluntness.

Yeah, you said, “What do you know? You’re retarded.”