Independence Day

As we celebrate the birth and growth of our nation, I am prone to measure it up to the birth and growth of my own children. Like our nation, they have achieved success through struggles, wise choices, and not-so-wise choices.

I especially think of my youngest daughter, who is a person with ADHD. As did her Dad, she struggled with the challenges of accepting herself and her behaviors from the time she was a small child, and it was quite difficult for her during her teens and early adult years. In fact, it still can be difficult for her now as she continually checks impulsive comments or her filter for temper control.

She required a cheerleader at home, a role I was always willing to fill. Building her self-esteem was essential to her development in spite of the ADHD. I protected her best interests in school and at church and even among family. Her grandmother did the same because she understood my daughter. Grandmother saw many similar patterns between herself and my daughter, and she and I often shared phone calls and laughter about Baby Sis’ latest adventures.

One Thursday morning, Mother phoned to say, “What does Baby Sis do Wednesday evenings? Isn’t she a part of Girls Auxiliary at church?”

Immediately my radar beeped. “Yes, And why are you asking?”

“Do you know she phones me from church each Wednesday at about 7:30? She just wants to talk about her day at school.”

In my mind’s eye, I saw the hall phone at the church and how a ccessible it would be for my daughter.

Mother and I laughed because we knew that by 7:30, my daughter would be fidgety and bored.  A trip to the bathroom and then the phone would alleviate the boredom, but that didn’t excuse the fact I needed to talk to her about it without her knowing that Grandmother told me.

The effort involved boosting her self-confidence while directing her behavior. She needed to hear that I loved and supported her and believed she could do the right thing. She faced enough difficulties and criticism on a daily basis that she did not need to feel Grandmother and I teamed against her. Love on the home front was the solace she craved.

I often set aside special time with my daughter such snack time after school, or an impromptu lunch outing during the school day. While I ate, she talked and talked about whatever was on her mind. It was positive attention, and it worked magic on her self-esteem. Whenever I saw opportunity, I praised her for all types of things many of which revolved around her humor and creativity. Praise builds confidence, but it must be genuine.  Often I identified one of her many strengths and talked with her about it: her ability to draw pictures and write short stories about them, her musical talents, the way she caused me to laugh heartily throughout her life, or her sincere kindness to others.

I also built her confidence with fairly administered discipline. It did not punish, but it taught and allowed her to learn from consequences and to connect the links to appropriate behavior. You likely know the phrase for it; it’s call tough love.

Today she is an independent adult and wife. Like our nation, she experienced the pangs associated with growth, and I am proud of her as well as her two siblings. She recognizes the value of her personal freedom, and she acts accordingly as she strives for continued growth and improvement. Not-so-like our nation, she acknowledges her dependence on God both in the past and for the future.

At McNay & Voth, we desire to help other parents as they raise children with ADHD. We want to help the teen or young adult who struggles with the challenges of ADHD. We yearn to support adults who have late diagnosis of ADHD.

Please contact us at 316-655-9807 or www.coachADHD.com and allow us to rally round you.