Mothers’ Tears

Last week I encountered three of them; that is, I met with three mothers of children with ADHD.

Each of those meetings was random and chance.

They told me similar stories: “I just do not know what to do.”

“He forgets to bring home his school books, or she forgets to bring home the assignments due for the week.”

 “He’s a great kid.”

“She’s a super girl.”

“People like him.”

“I worry because she doesn’t have many friends.”

“He loves his sport, but many times forgets the play his coach gives. I mean, which kid wants to fail at his sport?”

“She likes to play the violin, but she forgets to bring home the music for orchestra practice.”

Mothers of children, teens, and young adults are among the group I call The Women.  These are the individuals whose lives are highly impacted by the challenges and contests associated with the symptoms of ADHD.

In addition, they may be females with ADHD themselves.

 They may also be wives of men with ADHD, but that is a totally different topic for a blog.

Mothers oversee the tiny irritations throughout the household: “Did you turn off the lights or remember to take out the trash?”

“Have you started on your homework? Do you have homework? Where is it? What do you mean, you can’t remember?”

As well, they carry the heavier burdens: “Have you started writing the paper that is due in class in two days?”

“You’re in college and you forgot about an assignment?”

“I am afraid my adolescent child is using drugs or smoking pot.”

“Have you paid your car insurance?”

Mothers repeat over and again, “But my child or young adult is really an awesome person. My kid is highly intelligent and a creative thinker. “

“Is he or she doing this to aggravate me?”

“His or her Dad says I baby and coddle too much, but if I don’t help or advocate for my child, who will?”

Mothers contact mental health professionals or physicians for ADHD testing. They work closely with teachers and other school personnel and join support groups where they can arm themselves with information. They contact me as a coach and champion.

All three mothers, who talked with me last week, shed tears and then apologized.

“Go ahead and cry. Vent your frustrations and worries. I’m a Mom, and I have shed tears over my own kids. It’s what we often do.”

It’s going to sound cheesy, but Mothers’ tears water the seeds for potential and growth in the child, teen, or adolescent with ADHD.

For Mothers of persons with ADHD, and the group may include Mothers with adult children, I begin with these three proven recommendations:

1.    Accept your child for who he or she may be.

2.   Never punish her/him for behavior that she/he is unable to control.

3.   Watch for times to praise her/his positive behaviors.

It’s a challenging job, but The Women are up to it. My Quaker Mom often encouraged me with this statement that is also true for you: “Dearie, we are not the weaker sex.”

Take heart. I hope you and other Mothers of persons with ADHD will contact us at McNay & Voth, so we can stand along-side you in your quest for the best for your children.

Reach us at www.coachadh.com , or phone us at 316-655-9807.