Life After Retirement

I was sitting at the kitchen table one morning in October, 2010, when I saw Husband walk up the sidewalk to the front door.

As he opened it, he saw the question written across my mute face.

“I got laid-off this morning. I am officially still employed until December, but I have too much proprietary information in my head. They walked me out to my van, and I cannot go back for my personal belongings until they call me.”

We had been expecting this type of news off and on for many years. After all, Husband worked for the aircraft industry, and over the years, many people have been laid off from aircraft.

This time, it was 700 workers who lost their jobs. Many had decades of experience as did Husband.

“I guess 36 years of loyalty didn’t mean much to them,” he complained.

“Let’s go out for breakfast,”  I suggested because I wanted to take advantage of the fact we could.

Throughout the meal and the ensuing long drive in country surrounding Wichita, he tried to put on a brave face.

It didn’t work well. “I am embarrassed that they walked me out.”

“Were you the only one?”

“No, several long-term employees, men and women, got walked to their vehicles.”

“Hmm, sounds like a compliment that all of you knew a lot about the business. It wasn’t directed only at you.”

Still it deeply hurt his feelings in a way not related to ADHD. Of course, ADHD didn’t help when it came to his recognizing that lay-offs are distributed without consideration of the individual employee or skills of practice. It was difficult for him to filter out the fact that the lay-off was not directed at him personally.

“I would like for you to help me in my office. I can’t pay a salary right now, but I can take you out to lunch each day, and you can help me grow my business.”  I suggested.

“What would I do? I don’t know your business.”

“You have excellent transferable office skills that would benefit us as we develop.”

He liked the part about going to lunch each day, but he didn’t like having to refocus his skills. He played Free Cell much of the time.

He officially retired and applied for Social Security. He felt a bit better that he still received income. I have to give him credit; he continued to look for employment that would not interfere with Social Security benefits. In the mean time, we spent much time together in a routine and structure created by my work and teaching activities. He had structure, exposure to light, and when he would walk with me, he exercised.

“I know what I’ll do, “ Husband told me a few weeks after the lay-off. “I’ll go back to school and earn certification in another field.”  He enrolled in online classes to begin his studies. I was proud of him for making a proactive decision.

It worked as long as my office remained at home where I could help establish structure and help him focus on his tasks. However, when I rented office space away from home where I could meet clients, his enthusiasm for online learning quickly dissipated.

He told his doctor he wanted nothing more to do with school. Maybe he would work in the kitchen at a local hospital. I attempted to discourage that choice. I know that his ADHD, impulsive comments, and quick temper would not be a good match for that type of environment.

His doctor suggested freelance writing. I groaned inwardly because I knew who would be writing the articles, and it wouldn’t be him.

In a way typically of persons with ADHD, he exploded with loud outbursts of temper and anger caused by his frustration. He applied for a job with the turnpike authority, and they called him back for an interview. They didn’t move quickly enough, though. Waiting to hear from them as to when he started the job nearly drove him to distraction and me to finding a different place to live. Finally, the storm calmed down when he began training for the new position.

As my dear friend remarked, “It’s a shot in the arm for him.”

Of course, when he lost his job, he lost part of his personal identity as do a majority of workers when they lose their jobs. It is a painful experience, but we are moving past it. Has it taken a long time, and does ADHD complicate the healing? Of course. The part we can walk away with stems from the fact that healing can happen, and life can continue after retirement or job loss.