Mean Girls and a Daughter with ADHD

Of course when I sent my youngest child to preschool, I was convinced that her skills and creativity would shine above all the other kids, and everyone would immediately recognize her intellect and unique value.

So I was dumbfounded and astounded when she came home from her first sessions complaining of how other kids, especially the girls, made fun of her.

“Mommy, they say ‘you are weird’ to me. They tell me I have thin hair.”

Oh, indeed? I knew which child that would be. I had a similar conversation with her mother.

“Your little girl is the one with thin hair,” she said smugly in reference to my daughter’s baby-fine hair.

In my not-too-Christian mindset, I replied, “Yes, she has short blonde hair and large violet eyes. And your child? Is she the one with carrot red hair? I think that is the one because she has the same bull-dog jaw line as your husband. That is her father, right?”

She looked as if I had slapped her, which in essence I had done with my words. I intended for them to sting.

But to my child, I merely, said, “Honey, she does not know words as well as you do. It is hard for her to describe what she sees. When she says mean words, just feel sorry for her because she isn’t smart as you are.”

The taunts continued throughout elementary school. My daughter with ADHD often was the last to leave the building each evening as she attempted to grab her books and materials and stuff them in her book bag.

One evening of her third-grade year, her sister and I laughed as she came out the doors with her hand clutching the collar of her coat and her eyes drawn down in a severe frown. It communicated much to us.

“Be quiet before she gets in the van. She will think we’re poking fun at her, which is something she definitely does not need.”

So when my daughter opened the door, I asked, “How was your day, honey?”

“Terrible. Again. Brandy and her friends laughed at me for falling asleep in class. But, Mommy, I was so tired, and my teacher told them to leave me alone.; I needed a brief nap. Mrs. Reid did not make fun of me; why did they laugh?”

“They are probably jealous you can get by with it,” her sister said coming to her defense.

You can believe it when I say I was at Mrs. Reid’s desk before school began the next morning. I asked her about my child falling asleep and about how other kids treated her.

“She sleeps in the afternoon because it takes much energy and concentration for her in the mornings. As to the others, I attempt to stay ahead of their rudeness to her and a couple of the other children.”

In fourth grade, my daughter encountered similar heckling and comments. She often came home complaining of Brandy’s mean words and taunts that made my daughter cry.

One day her older sister, who at 16 could drive, asked to drive her younger sister home from school. It wasn’t until years later that I learned how the scene played out.

Walking into the straggling group in the classroom, my older daughter asked her sister, “Hey, point out that Brandy kid for me, will you?”

My daughters tell me the small group got quiet as others backed away from the infamous Brandy, leaving her standing alone.

“Are you Brandy?  I’ve been wanting to meet you. It seems you have picked on my sister for several years. I’m telling you the next time I hear about it, I’m going to begin at your finger nails, pulling nails and flesh off your body. I’m warning you, and when you go home and tell your mother who sleeps around with any guy who is desperate, or your dad and stepmother who everyone knows do not pay their bills, I will tell them of the abuse you have dumped on my sister. In other words, I welcome you to tell your folks.”

We heard no other complaints that year, and during grade five, my daughter was assigned to a magnet school to balance the busing assignments in our district. At that school, the Principal had stringent rules on any type of verbal harassment, which he considered gang activity.

Sadly, mocking related to my daughter’s ADHD did not end with the elementary grades, but the issues associated with high school will have to wait for another blog.