“I am afraid I am going to fail again.”
“I am tired of being a failure.”
“I just do not want to fail anymore.”
These are direct quotes I get when
talking with women and girls who are persons with ADHD. The diagnosis of ADHD came
from qualified mental health professionals, but the feelings of failure came
from life.
The fear resulted from the years
when these females experienced functioning problems in all types of social and
family settings.
In school, girls with ADHD often
get lost in the goings-on of the classroom.
“I was the perfect little girl,” a woman recently told me. “I obeyed all the rules, and I was kind. However, I just didn’t seem to
understand what was going on most of the time. I felt lost or out of it.”
“Other
than school, what was your life like?” I asked.
“You mean at home? It wasn’t much better. My bedroom looked like a storm
had taken place in it,” she told me.
Hurricane syndrome is my own
favorite term for it. Of course, many people live in Hurricane Rooms, but they
are persons with ADHD.
Another woman said, “I am rather quiet now, but as a kid, I was
really hyper. Teachers had a hard time getting me to sit on my butt. I preferred
to sit on my knees with my feet over the back of the chair. One teacher
complained that I showed my panties all the time as if showing my panties was
the worst thing going on with me.”
“I understand what you are saying, but exposed panties really are
socially inappropriate, and teachers prefer socially appropriate behavior.”
She laughed along with me at my dry
humor.
Teachers also prefer time
management when homework gets turned in on time, or the student arrives at
school on time. Bosses also prefer assignments completed per deadline and
employees who are working at their desks on time.
Women with ADHD share they often
fail to manage time or tasks well.
At least two women tell me they had
their first babies at ages 16 and 17.
“So was it because a boy paid attention to you and said nice things to
you?”
“No,” said the first one. “It
was an impulsive decision. I didn’t stop to think through the consequences or
even the right and wrong of it. I guess we call it immediate gratification.”
She paused before she continued, “Yeah, gratification that came with a huge
belly ache during labor.”
One of the saddest parts of our
conversations centers on how these women think their children dislike or mock
them because of the ADHD.
“So, which one of them is ADHD? Remember it is a
genetic-based disorder.”
I like to throw that one at the
children who talk to me about their ADHD parents. It’s to say, “Be careful. Your future kids may say the
same thing about you one day.”
I’m rewarded when I see their faces
contort with pain and apprehension.
If you are a female with ADHD, and
you experience the confusion and disappointments associated with ADHD, we
invite you to visit McNay&Voth.
We can meet by phone, face-to-face, or across Skype or Gmail
Chat.
Contact us at www.coachadhd.conm or
phone 316-771-7557.
We sincerely care,
Dr. Atha McNay and McNay&Voth
Gateway Community
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