In the Brain, Out the Mouth

Sunday, Husband had the rare privilege of attending church with Crown Prince, who was home on vacation.

“Dad is going to church with you tomorrow,” I told, rather than asked. Sure, our son is a man 33 years of age who has live 1800 miles away for over four years. I agree he is independent and capable, and usually I ask if either his Dad or I can thrust ourselves into one of his social events.  But this time, I made a direct statement.

“Uh, sure,” was our son’s dutiful reply. He rolled his eyes at me and asked, “What if he says something?”

“Like what? What do you mean by saying something?” I grinned

“Come on, Mom.  You of all people know exactly what I mean.”

With my most serious expression and voice, I answered, “I find it difficult to imagine what you are talking about. But if he makes a comment, then let him say it. He won’t hurt anyone or be obnoxious.”

“Well, not intentionally. But he often says things or blurts out comments, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings asking him to hush.”

Husband was eagerly enthusiastic to attend worship with his son. As far as I was concerned, that was the end of the conversation.

That is, it was the end until my guys got home from church.

Shortly after lunch, Husband began reporting on the morning’s events.

“No kidding. They have this woman on their music team, and you should have seen her.” Using his hands to gesture about three feet apart, he continued, “And her ass was this broad. I mean broad and in all directions. She could barely climb the short two steps to the platform.”

I merely waited to hear the type of comment he made.

“And I said, ‘Oh, my!’ as I saw her bouncing down the aisle past us and struggling to get to the stool they placed for her to sit on. Fortunately, it wasn’t something she needed to hoist herself on. She only had to sit down.”

He paused and frowned, “Our son told me to hush, but I told him I wasn’t mocking her.  I was just startled to see her size pass by me. Who I am to make fun of any fat person? Son told me people could hear me.”

“I didn’t know I said it that loudly.” He looked toward the floor with a genuinely remorseful expression. “I didn’t mean to embarrass him.”

I smiled inwardly thinking of the numerous times Husband has publicly blurted out comments or reactions to someone or something, and most of them were basically knee-jerk reactions. He’s correct; he usually doesn’t intend to hurt or humiliate anyone.

I laughed again at a memory from our early-dating days. As we sat in the theatre waiting for a movie to begin, a rather large individual walked up the aisle. The lady really did seem to fill the entire aisle, and I think my boyfriend was self-conscious for her. He himself had been following the Weight Watchers program for about two months losing a remarkable number of pounds. He felt like he needed to defend huge and obese people.

Turning to me, he said in a rather loud voice, “Bet she’s heading for the concession area.”

“Be quiet. People will hear you.”

“I’m only saying what they are thinking. I know; they think that about me.”

He was correct; shortly she passed by us again with a tray of soft drinks and snacks.

He gave me the knowing look. Without dropping the volume, he said, “Isn’t Weight Watchers won-der-ful?”

Years later, our son expressed it well. I, of all people, did know exactly what he meant.