Family ADHD

Shortly after we married, I received a phone call from Mother-in-law. “I have a present for you. I found it out in the country,” her voice sang with laughter. 

Instinctively I knew what it was. “If it is one of those damn tarantulas, it is staying at your house,” I laughed back.

Mother knew how freaked out I was over Harriet the tarantula she raised for her kids.

We named it Gladys, and Mother caught insects to feed Gladys in the terrarium.

Gladys lived in her glass box until Mother died during surgery five months later. We found the spider dead from starvation.

Oops! We had forgotten to feed her.

Earlier I mentioned my husband’s mother, so this is a good day to talk about how ADHD might be a genetic-based disorder.

When I talk with parents of a child with ADHD, I often ask, “Which one of you has these same symptoms?”

I can follow several typical ADHD symptoms back through my husband’s family from his mother, her father, and Grandpa’s mother, Maudie.  After that I have no information.

Before I knew what ADHD was, I knew his mother was one of the sloppiest housekeepers I had ever seen. I thought of learned behavior because my then-boyfriend’s car was messy where he constantly threw trash over the front seat into the back.

One day as we sat in his car, I happened to mention it. “The backseat of your car is deep with crumpled cigarette wraps.”  “I know,” he said, as he nonchalantly scrunched an empty pack in his hand and threw it over his right shoulder.

Yet, even though I am neat-nick, I accepted their clutter as part of who they were. Why? They were two of the most interesting people I had ever met, even though both also suffered from low self-esteem and depression.

My husband’s grandfather was the same way. He was not messy (thanks to Grandma June), but he was a recovered alcoholic. As I learned more about ADHD and tied family behaviors to each other, I realized he exhibited one the risky behaviors of self-medication, and the anger levels associated with it. Grandpa also had a quirky sense of humor.

The story goes that one day he answered the phone to a salesperson from the  Arthur Murray Dance Studio. After he listened to her say he had won free dance lessons, he asked,

“Do you teach people in wheelchairs how to dance?” The voice at the other end said, “Oh, I am sorry,” and hung up.

When Grandma chided him for it, he said, “I didn’t say I use a wheelchair. I merely asked if they teach people in wheelchairs how to dance?”

Grandma June gave me another clue when she talked about her own mother-in-law, Maudie. She described moodiness and a need to control, but she went on to say. “But I just loved her because she was exciting to be around.”  

Great-grandmother, Maudie, walked along the tops of walls when she was in her late forties or early fifties, and engaged in other high-adventure behavior, all just for fun or because she could.  

I knew what Grandma June meant by exciting. My mother-in-law showed me how to do a cartwheel when she was 50 years old and was 50 or more pounds overweight. She could tear a car engine down and rebuild it better and with less parts, and she raised 25 cats on her half-acre lot.

 Before that she raised collie dogs (one of whom became a Lassie), founded our local kennel club, kept an alligator in her bathtub for several weeks, and maintained the life of her own pet tarantula, Harriett. Her life demonstrated constant motion. I simply loved spending time with her.

Of course none of this actually fit into place until I discovered the genetic connections in families with ADHD.

Do not forget that ADHD is a real genetic disorder, and it is one of the most researched disorders. Dozens of published researched articles suggest this genetic association.