Let’s Talk About Organization

This afternoon I asked Husband if he would discuss organization with me. He got a pained look on his face and frowned.

“No, I am not organized.”

“So what do you think about organization?”

“I think it is one of the nicest things ever invented for other people.”

“I guess that means not you?”

“That’s right. That’s exactly what it means,” he said as he turned and purred at the cat.

“Why not you?” 

He turned his head away to think, “Well, That means I would have to remember what I organized and where I put it, and that is virtually impossible.

“You keep your dresser drawers organized quite nicely.”

“I do that to keep me from embarrassing myself publicly.”

“Why is that?”

“You know. People don’t like it when you go out in public without underwear and socks and things like that on. They get all excited and call the police about your public exposure.”

“Other than your undies, when do you think you have been organized? Ever?”

“When I took certain college classes and at work I had to know when and where documents were to be delivered.”

“Are you saying it is a matter of incentive or motivation or external reason?”

“External? No, not really external; more like internal huh, what’s that p word? Policy. Internal policy. That was the motivation.”

“Why is it difficult for you to be organized?”

He repeated the question under his breath.

“We’ve been married more than 38 years; you tell me.”

“If I knew the real answer for that and a sure fix for perpetual disorganization, we could bank the profits.”

I continued asking, “What was your desk like when you were in elementary school?”

“A trash can with pencils and pens and lots of papers that should have been turned in, but I couldn’t find them at the time.”

“Did anyone try to help you organize your desk?”

“Sometimes a teacher would put the garbage can next to my desk and tell me to throw away anything I didn’t need it in, and turn in the ones I should have turned in.”

“Would it have helped if a teacher asked you to do that every Friday before school dismissed?”

“Not really. I did the same thing with my locker in high school.”

“And then you graduated from your locker to your messy car?”

He merely nodded his head with a sad expression across his face. “As I matured, I realized organization is a personal matter. The way I organize my things may not be the way others organize their things.”

As personal as this conversation may seem, I expect thousands of adults with ADHD can relate to Husband’s experiences. They are more like him than different from him when it comes to organization. Possibly as he has done, other adults with ADHD have learned across time how to organize their work or personal space. Possibly also like him, organization is more difficult at home than at work.

If you or someone you may know with ADHD have problems with organization, whether that person is a child, teen, or adult, we invite you to contact McNay & Voth ADHD Coaching at www.coachadhd.com  or phone us 316-771-7558. Let us help that person develop his or her own sense of organization.

We look forward to hearing from you soon.

 

 

 

Five Easy Pieces

Being in one of my frequent reflective moods, I asked Husband: “Do you remember the movie ‘Five Easy Pieces’ ?”

“Yeah. It was the movie that got Jack Nicholson noticed. What about it?”

“I really don’t remember much except the title, but that  really fits well into my way of thinking. I search for short and easy approaches to much of what I do.”

“It was a typical movie of the early 1970’s. It’s OK not to remember much about it.”

“My point is that the title serves me well as a type of idiomatic expression.”

“Nicholson played a gifted pianist who rebelled against his talent and affluent lifestyle. Standard kind of stuff for that era.”

“OK, but my point is the value of learning how to put life into easy steps and make it simple.”

“How do you do that?” Husband asked as if it were a ground-breaking concept.

“Do what?”

“Think about simplifying and organizing and making life easier? How do you think like that all the time?”

“One of us needs to. Besides, I always looking for ways that assist you and others with ADHD to live up to your potential.”

He put me on the spot for a moment when he said, “So tell me five easy steps you discovered to help me.”

 “One: You need an encourager. Two: You need external prompts or motivation. Three: Since you lose basic such as keys and your wallet, you need daily organization. Four: You need to unclutter on a regular basis. Five: You respond well to rewards such as praise.”

“It never ceases to amaze me that people can gather their thoughts in such a concise manner.”

“It never ceases to amaze me that you cannot or will not think with such logic, but that is a topic for another blog.”

The person with ADHD often feels frustrated or clueless about how to approach the daily tasks of life, especially at home, work, or school. Based on our personal experiences, I recommend five easy steps to success:

1.    Connect with an encourager such as a spouse or close friend who can provide support when you are confused or have questions. In addition, seek help from an ADHD coach.

2.   Choose an extrinsic reward system along the lines of your paycheck, a passing grade in a class, an item for gifting yourself when you complete a task. Make it a goal to earn this reward on time, and develop a reminder system that works for you.

3.   If you are a student, create your own study space where you keep the tools and resources you need. Make certain it can be as quiet and private as possible. Make certain you study only in that space. If you go back and forth to your job, allocate a briefcase, book bag, or table space where you place the items you need for the next day, then ask your encourager to help you develop the habit of placing items there before bedtime.

4.   Schedule one day each week for tidying your work space both at home and on the job.

5.   Ask your associates and family at home, work, and school to point out when you have done well completing a task or project. Write notes to yourself on how proud you feel when you accomplish even a small task.

Are you currently seeking an ADHD coach with experience and expertise? We invite you to contact McNay & Voth ADHD Coaching at www.coachadhd.com or phone 316-771-7558.

 

 

A Complimentary Word

This morning a national TV personality asked her audience: “Have you made it a habit to speak a compliment to your spouse or partner each day? Actually I recommend you make a habit to do it four or five times each day. See how it helps to heal your marriage.”

She laughed loudly when a woman in the second row of her audience groaned audibly.

“What’s so funny?”  I thought. This was one time I did not feel guilty reflecting on the challenge.

I enjoy giving Husband compliments. His face lights up each time I do so, and when he is fighting depressed moods, it is one of the best things I can do for him.

He compliments me, too, and I remember a specific time he made a point to say nice things about me.

We had been married less than three months when I came down with a bud or allergy or something yucky along that line. I felt horrible, and I looked like death warmed over. Or, at least I thought I did.

I stood in the sitting room of our little apartment with my hair plastered against my head, no make-up, and a general pasty pallor. Yep, it was a bad as it sounds.

Husband looked across the room and in a most sincere tone said, “You are a beautiful woman.”

One simple statement.

“I feel awful, and I look it. Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious,” he replied emphatically. “I can see the structure of your face and the blue of your eyes. I am sorry you don’t feel well.”

That gave me enough energy to wash and style my hair. Lesson learned.

A few years later into the marriage, a friend was at our house one afternoon when Husband arrived home from work.

I said my usual greeting to him about how nice it was to have him home.

My friend said, “I want to tell you something. You always encourage your husband. Like right now, you affirmed him by telling him how much you like seeing him come home, and I heard you thank him for working hard for you and the children today.”

“I try to tell him that every day. His job stresses him, and I really do appreciate his working, so I can stay home with the kids.”

“It shows,” she said. “I have noticed it many times. You compliment him or thank him in a natural way. He must really appreciate it.”

Later that evening I asked him about it. “Norma says I encourage and compliment you often. Do you feel as if I do?”

My heart somewhat dropped to my feet when he paused to think about it for such a long time. The seconds literally seemed like minutes.

“Yep, you do. I just think it is part of your personality. I know I don’t feel like I deserve your kind words.”

“I only tell you what I honestly think or feel,” I assured him. “I sincerely love you.”

Going back to this morning’s TV program, I talked back to the host of the show. I admit it; I am one of those who talks to the TV.

“You are spot on, Girlfriend. Keep telling women who are in their struggle years. There may be some in that audience who are married to really hateful jerks. But likely many of them are persons prone to condemn more than praise.  It will be much better for each if she learns how to compliment more and criticize less. ”

I am going to be honest with you. There were times when Husband deserved for me to strap him on my foot like an ice ski as I took a walk around the block. There are times when it took every ounce of effort to say one nice thing to him during the day. However, early in life I learned to choose the right thing before doing anything.

The right thing is a positive, encouraging word. A positive you is a powerful you.