A Complimentary Word

This morning a national TV personality asked her audience: “Have you made it a habit to speak a compliment to your spouse or partner each day? Actually I recommend you make a habit to do it four or five times each day. See how it helps to heal your marriage.”

She laughed loudly when a woman in the second row of her audience groaned audibly.

“What’s so funny?”  I thought. This was one time I did not feel guilty reflecting on the challenge.

I enjoy giving Husband compliments. His face lights up each time I do so, and when he is fighting depressed moods, it is one of the best things I can do for him.

He compliments me, too, and I remember a specific time he made a point to say nice things about me.

We had been married less than three months when I came down with a bud or allergy or something yucky along that line. I felt horrible, and I looked like death warmed over. Or, at least I thought I did.

I stood in the sitting room of our little apartment with my hair plastered against my head, no make-up, and a general pasty pallor. Yep, it was a bad as it sounds.

Husband looked across the room and in a most sincere tone said, “You are a beautiful woman.”

One simple statement.

“I feel awful, and I look it. Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious,” he replied emphatically. “I can see the structure of your face and the blue of your eyes. I am sorry you don’t feel well.”

That gave me enough energy to wash and style my hair. Lesson learned.

A few years later into the marriage, a friend was at our house one afternoon when Husband arrived home from work.

I said my usual greeting to him about how nice it was to have him home.

My friend said, “I want to tell you something. You always encourage your husband. Like right now, you affirmed him by telling him how much you like seeing him come home, and I heard you thank him for working hard for you and the children today.”

“I try to tell him that every day. His job stresses him, and I really do appreciate his working, so I can stay home with the kids.”

“It shows,” she said. “I have noticed it many times. You compliment him or thank him in a natural way. He must really appreciate it.”

Later that evening I asked him about it. “Norma says I encourage and compliment you often. Do you feel as if I do?”

My heart somewhat dropped to my feet when he paused to think about it for such a long time. The seconds literally seemed like minutes.

“Yep, you do. I just think it is part of your personality. I know I don’t feel like I deserve your kind words.”

“I only tell you what I honestly think or feel,” I assured him. “I sincerely love you.”

Going back to this morning’s TV program, I talked back to the host of the show. I admit it; I am one of those who talks to the TV.

“You are spot on, Girlfriend. Keep telling women who are in their struggle years. There may be some in that audience who are married to really hateful jerks. But likely many of them are persons prone to condemn more than praise.  It will be much better for each if she learns how to compliment more and criticize less. ”

I am going to be honest with you. There were times when Husband deserved for me to strap him on my foot like an ice ski as I took a walk around the block. There are times when it took every ounce of effort to say one nice thing to him during the day. However, early in life I learned to choose the right thing before doing anything.

The right thing is a positive, encouraging word. A positive you is a powerful you.