Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Pineapple Pie and Getting Past the Past

It seems to be an adage in the field of psychology that we are a combination of all our yesterdays. At least I think that’s what my friends in that field say.
For me then, I am a combination of Aunt Margret’s way of organizing, Aunt Ruth’s humor, and Mother’s skill at cooking. Not that I cook, mind you, I merely remember her skill and her delight in cooking and baking for our family.
I thought of that this morning when I saw a recipe for Pineapple Pie. It’s one of my favorites, and the recipe calls for making a residue of stickiness when thickening the crushed pineapple for the crust.

Residue is what brings to mind the reason for this blog: residue as it pertains to hanging on to pain and other emotional negatives of the past.
For the person with ADHD, living with past regrets or getting stuck in a sense of past failures often becomes a constant source of sediment and way of thinking.
It’s hard for them to let go of it: I should have finished that degree; I should have been more sensitive to the other person’s feelings; I should have tried harder.
Persons with ADHD may be a combination of all those yesterdays when they felt like flawed failures. Persons with ADHD may not realize that people without ADHD often think similar thoughts.
OK, then, what is one thing you can do that will wash away some of the residue stickiness from your thoughts and memories? Which of these suggestions might you choose?
1. Make a positive goal for your tomorrows. Put your energy into making a new friend, taking a new class, or even plan toward a better job. It might take inner fight to move forward, but your friends will support your emotional efforts.
2. Discard the clutter in your life. It might be as literal as throwing away old papers, or cleaning a closet filled with ill-fitting clothes. This time of the year, you hear much about trashing and donating. Start in small areas such as your desk top or a drawer in the bathroom. Conquering that amount of space can boost your sense of energy and accomplishment. Take that energy to a new level. Think about how you can declutter your memories. Learn to let go, which in most cases is a matter of learning to forgive yourself or others.
3. Reframe. What do you think about yourself? If it is negative ( I’m unattractive, I’m not as smart, I always mess up), it’s time for you to  put a new frame around your mental picture. Remind yourself of what draws people to you. They like your smile or your creative wit. They like your tenderness or beautiful hair. You may not be smart in math or reading, but your intelligence shines in art or music. Howard Garner taught us years ago that it is not how smart we are; it is how we are smart. Think of what you learn when you make a mistake. Learn to say, “I’m glad that happened because now I know what not to do last time.” My friend Deb taught me that more than 20 years ago, and the wisdom has carried me through many situations.
Mainly, though, you can concentrate on the moment. Don’t judge your thoughts and feelings right now; merely be aware of them. Meditate on the goodness of God and what He has done for you today. Mindfulness and concentrating on the present is one of the most beneficial strategies you can use to lose the sticky residue of the past.  

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