Only One Martha Stewart

Thanks to ADDitude Magazine, I think of Martha Stewart who has made a fantastic name for herself as an American icon of business. In fact, as early as her teen years, she began showing her hand at being a business woman when she worked as a fashion model and in advertising.

Today she is the guru of homemaking and home décor. I don’t know of many women who dislike her style and elegance. Possibly a few resent her perfection, but it seems likely a majority of American woman drool each time they read her magazine or watch her on TV.

She is one of the richest women in America, and when I see her displays, I wonder how many employees worked ridiculously long hours creating and artistically styling holiday decorations both indoors and out-of-doors for the amazement of the audience. Obviously she can afford to hire it done.

For that reason, I resent the turmoil that takes place deep inside me whenever I read her magazine. In fact, the turmoil is so deep, I’ve stopped watching her on TV. I don’t even know if she still airs shows on TV.

I do know that a Martha presentation in my house would take extra hands to help me, and those hands are not available. Money isn’t always available, either.

Yes, Husband is multi-talented and has an eye for artistic arrangements. No, he is not willing to help when I come up with a project that requires his help.

After all, it is not his idea.

Is it ADD or personality, I always ask you and me? I give much of the credit to his oppositional defiance that is part of his ADD. If asked to do something that takes extra energy and effort, and if it is not his idea, he won’t take part.

He shows his stubbornness or purposely does a faulty job, both of which have hurt my feelings countless times.

In the days when I hosted every Christmas get-together for his family, I asked him to paint a small spot on the wall leading upstairs. It was an obvious patch job that had not been finished, and I had been asking him for weeks to get it done. OK, you are not surprised that my Husband with ADHD had not completed a task. When he finally did (about an hour before they arrived), he applied blue paint to a yellow wall. Even a person who is as color-blind as he is could see the startling contrast.

“You used BLUE paint?” I asked incredulously.

“Why not. It’s painted now, isn’t it? After all, it’s just my family.”

“It isn’t for your family, it’s for me,” I nearly screeched. “You were to complete that job because it means something to me.”

I think he walked away mumbling that had I wanted it yellow, I should have painted it myself. Good point.

Martha would have hung the perfect wreath on that same wall. I left the blue patch in hopes someone would comment on it.

Another Christmas, I purchased the materials for Husband to help me build a Barbie house for Oldest Daughter. We couldn’t afford one that was commercially made, and I wasn’t certain how to construct it.

“Why do you want to do something as silly as that? She doesn’t need a doll house.”

“Yes, she does. She plays with her Barbie dolls all the time. It merely needs to be opened on one side with two floors and a pitched roof. I have furniture for it.”

It ended up being hastily thrown together and not at all what I had designed. He painted it in the same blue.

So why I am writing about this? Along with resolving to avoid being Martha, I made another resolve: stop asking him to help with my projects. Of course, that is exactly what he wanted me to do, and it certainly makes for a less-frustrating marriage arrangement.

With the holidays upon us, I offer this advice to the spouse, and I point this mainly at wives, of a person with ADHD. You might need to lower your expectations this year. Stop drooling. Relax. If your spouse will not help with your holiday ideas, let them go, or modify them to your own time and skills. If your ADHD spouse likes projects, begin now for next year. Don’t wait until the last few days before the holidays for putting your ideas in motion.

I doubt even Martha Stewart does last-minute projects.