A Plan Would be Nice

“She has a job, and I have a job. What other kind of financial plan do we need?” I am certain this was Husband’s mindset when we married.

I don’t recall we even discussed a budget or other financial plans before our wedding day.

As a matter of fact, I am certain we did not.

Actually, I am embarrassed that I followed through with the wedding without a written budget in order. Fortunately the Grace of God got us through those first few weeks and throughout the initial years.

When we finally shopped for that first apartment, Husband insisted we keep the rent within a price range he could afford.

“I don’t want our rent depending on both of our salaries. We don’t know how much you will have to pay back on your student loans.”  At least he had that part in mind.

I now suspect he had some sort of plan in his brain, but he really wasn’t willing or able to share it with me. I think this because those were the days when he managed his money by not spending it and by rounding up to the nearest dollar each time he recorded a check.

A friend of mine, an accountant, about had apoplexy when I explained the system to her. “I suppose it works for him,” she said, “but how does he accurately balance his checkbook?”

“I am going to maintain a separate checking account,” I wisely decided before I said my wedding vows. “We can share the responsibility for paying the bills.”

On my part, I already had a savings plan, so I began a retirement plan with my first job. Fortunately both were in place five years later when we needed a down payment for our first house.

I was young, optimistic, and had just completed my Master’s degree, and I presumed everything would fall into place.

It did not occur to me that making a budget plan was a foreign concept to my husband and his ADHD brain. In all fairness, he really wanted to be financially conscientious, but rather than being given sound instruction on how to manage and budget, he had been yelled at as to why he should avoid debt and spending money.

I once suggested, “Let’s work together to plan a budget. How do you feel about that idea?”

“It depends on what your goal is.”

“To manage our money more wisely.”

“What a concept,” he replied, and I think he was a bit more than half-serious.

We’ve revisit the same conversation at regular intervals throughout the years.

It helped we finally realized that Husband needed to see his money allocated in a most concrete fashion.

We discovered the envelop system, which for us was a series of 10X12 mailing envelops in which we punched holes for a three-ring binder. We calculated our monthly average for each household bill or expense, and divided the amount by the number of paychecks in the month. Then, we deposited our checks in the bank, received cash for the bill system, and literally dispersed the cash per week into envelops. Our record keeping included placing the bill inside the corresponding envelop and writing the date when the bill was due. The additional step required that we re-deposit the amount for bills paid that week.

It was complicated, but it worked because we both began to see the control and discipline he needed for managing his money.

The system did not meet all our concerns, but it helped as we cubby-holed money for bills into envelops. We used it effectively for several years, and it laid a super foundation for us in long-range financial planning.

We’ll likely re-examine those plans in the near future, and I now know we must make any new decisions together in a way that makes sense to his way of processing. For every couple this is important, but for the married partner with ADHD, structure is essential.