Overreacting

My husband’s impulsivity often leads him to overact with yelling or disconcerting noises when he drops an item, misplaces something, or merely gets startled. Many times I’ve wondered if he’s hurt himself or had a heart attack; his reaction is that extreme.

I once asked him to describe how his impulsivity affected him as a small boy in school:

“Of course I liked to stare out the windows in our old school building, and since our first-grade room sat on the side of the two major streets, I could follow the flow of traffic to the side of me and in front of me, which I often did. One day this really shiny, new 1956 Chevy zoomed faster than usual past our building going east. It came flying down the road and sped up loudly when it raced through the intersection. The noise, the speed, the flash of sunlight scared me. So being me, I jumped out of my seat, threw my hands up in the air, and screamed quite loudly, ‘WOW! Look how fast that car is going!’  My teacher had been working with a small group of students, and she about hit the ceiling. She looked like she had been shot or peed herself.  

I could totally envision the entire scenario. A blonde boy in blue jeans and a nicely-laundered cotton shirt, looking out the window while his books and papers lay scattered across his school desk. Tapping his pencil on the desk, he was quietly drawn to the movement and noise from the busy street close to the school ground. He lost all sense of time and space in those conditions and was totally spaced-out. He reacted to what he saw and felt without thinking of his surroundings and others.

It happened again today when he dropped an item from his desk, which is why I am writing about this behavior.  He has alarmed me more than once in the past weeks, only now his responses are more adult-like and sophisticated. I won’t print his latest string of words, but they look like this ^&%$#%^*!

Often he overreacts to various perfume scents all around him.  A normal, pleasant fragrance (at least to me) seems to intensify when he gets a whiff of it.  If a woman walks past us in public wearing loud perfume, he often yells Phew, that stinks, or That ‘s awful while he takes something to fan it away from him.  I imagined how badly women must feel. Once upon a time, I blushed with deep embarrassed and tried to correct him. Now I ignore him. What if some woman tells him off? He would probably feel awful for hurting her feelings.

Several years ago he changed the brakes on our car during the days when money was tight and the kids were little and Husband was intent on saving money. Keep in mind his mechanical skills are so limited, he calls himself Mr. Goodwrench. His dad, however, was mechanical, so he came to help.  During one point, Husband was reacting ,yelling and eventually saying all types of words. His dad stepped back and in a quiet voice said I doubt that is going to fix the problem. That was one of the wisest things his dad ever said to him.

Back to his tirades at home, or even in the car, if he can’t find his wallet, if he has to slam on the brakes, or if he hears a loud noise, the reaction is all the same.  His voice and tone explode with anger and frustration, or intense alarm. Possibly he literally feels it throughout his body, but I told him today’s reaction wasn’t necessary. He looked disbelievingly at me.

Excuses, excuses, he was filled with them. I doubt this behavior will change, no matter how many reminders I give him.