This month we focused our local TV interviews on the problem
of low self-esteem in women and girls with ADHD.
Keep in mind that not all females with ADHD suffer with low
self-esteem, but many do and the pain continues throughout the life time.
Women with ADHD in their 50’s and older often tell me, “Atha, it’s been like this all my life.”
You might ask, “How do
we know the girl with ADHD has low self-esteem?”
That’s rather easy. She will tell us that: other kids do not
like her at school, she cannot make new friends, the teacher and other students
poke fun of her at school, or the kids at church seem to shut her out of the
social interactions.
These types of statements hurt a parent’s heart. I know they
hurt me whenever Anna said something similar.
I was ready to go to battle in her behalf. For instance, a youth
minister’s wife once said she wanted to talk to me about Anna’s behavior during
youth meetings.
“Before
you begin,” I held up my hand. “Has anyone warned you about me? If you are concerned, I want to hear
it. If you are going to complain, brace yourself.”
Fortunately she had a legitimate concern that I needed to
address, and taking this back to self-esteem, parents want to know how they can
help their child, teen, or young adult feel better about herself. The concern
for Anna here had to do with social behavior that set her apart.
For one suggestion, parents can help override low self-esteem
with a basic mantra – brag, don’t nag.
I strongly recommend praise in areas where parents can do so genuinely:
praise the girls sense of kindness, praise a skill in athletics, arts, music.
Praise the girl when you catch her doing something outstanding. Praise the
effort, not necessarily the outcome.
For another idea, girls benefit from the consistent support of
parents who encourage when academic challenges seem overwhelming. Most
communities have tutoring services or learning centers available, and many
families contain members who are skilled in writing papers or working math
problems. Either of these resources presents excellent support for learning the
skills that challenge. The operant word is learning;
it is not whether the girl earns straight A’s.
For a third suggestion, parents should be ready when the girl
is put on the shelf socially. Parents can provide positive social settings such
as at church, or a community organization. They can also help their daughter develop
one-on-one friendships by overseeing her behavior with friends, by inviting a
potential friend out for dinner or for an overnighter, or by taking part as a
leader in church or community events.
One prominent social celebrity told me others often shut her
out and poked fun of her when she was a child. “The pain is still with me,” she said. “I can’t imagine how bad it is for the ADHD girl in today’s
technological world. Cyber bullies and hateful comments on Facebook means the
girl cannot get away from it, even at home.”
One good friend can make a huge difference for the female with
ADHD. So can staying alert to opportunities to express her unique talents. As well, posting positive comments about
herself around her living or work space will help her battle the urge to
develop negative beliefs about herself.
Lastly and importantly, we know that ADHD coaching helps her
set goals and be more effective in daily living. Coaching helps females with ADHD of all ages
with developmental skills, transitioning to adulthood, and with later adult
functioning.
