Depression Isn’t Straight Forward and Other Quotes

Sometimes I flutter like a humming bird or hovercraft when I see Husband retreat to a dark room or space where he can be all alone,

My usual and sterile question is always: “How do you feel today?”

And he will respond: “I don’t feel well.”

Of course, because I am really quite limited in responses, I continue with: “Are you hurting somewhere? Is it your body or your spirit?”

“It is in my spirit,” he tells me.

Will Rogers once said: “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”  However, it seems I miss many good changes. I keep on asking invasive questions.

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784, is one of the most quoted English writers after William Shakespeare. Personally, I find Johnson easier to understand. In his wise way, he wrote: “People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.”

And I suggest this is true when it comes to depression. People who are depressed need to be reminded that they are valuable.

So how can I remind Husband he is the most valuable of all people to me?  A hamburger from his favorite fast-food restaurant? Sitting with him through the umpteenth baseball game on TV? Sharing chatter I learned from our friends? At times, I am not certain. To quote Will Rogers again, I must remember that “when you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”

Someone sent me this quote from Stephen Fry: “If you know someone who is depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation, depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It is hard to be a friend to someone who is depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”

Like other persons who have depressed family members, I really do want to be a friend to Husband.

And as I mentioned before, I think humor is one way to demonstrate friendship. Mark Twain believed humor is humankind’s greatest blessing, and he said: “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

One of my daughters cautions me not to always sound like an expert, even though I am one. So let me make this suggestion without sounding like a know-it-all. Have you laughed today? Remember that laughter relieves physical tension and stress. It boosts the immune system, decreases stress hormones, and improves your resistance to disease. Laughter releases endorphins, and promotes an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. As an added bonus, it protects the heart as it improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you.

“What do you think about laughter and humor?” I recently asked Husband.

He literally rolled his eyes upward: “It is necessary to raise your sense of well-being.”

“We haven’t laughed much lately,” I commented.

He smiled and laughed at that comment.

But we have spent many hours sitting together in silence or in brief conversations. I have held his hand, or brought him a glass of ice water. I know those are little things; I am trying to be his friend.

This weekend, we watched a show on life in Hawaii where we discovered that the Monk Seal is the only one native to Hawaii. Husband immediate response: “Does that mean they are Catholic or Buddhist?”  We laughed at a tiny piece of silliness, but at least we laughed.