My Daughter and ADHD

The joy of the holiday included a visit from Baby Sis and her hubby who graced us by spending the weekend at our house.

She is my offspring with ADHD, and we often talk about how the disorder manifests differently in females than males.

For one thing, females with ADHD are more likely to experience increased psychological distress and feel a lower self-image than males with the disorder.

Baby Sis and I want to conduct studies on females with ADHD. Knowledge about how the disorder in females in limited, and we want to be among those who conduct additional studies.

Additionally, we want to write a series of short stories that show how ADHD manifests or impacts lives of girls, female teens, and women across a lifespan. Baby Sis and I collaborate to lace the lines of our stories with real-life incidents and reactions.

This morning Baby Sis said, “At this point of the story, I would have worried for hours about the people who died in a tornado. Do you remember when I told you that I do not want to die in a tornado? I told you that if I did die in a tornado, I wanted you to buy me a pink casket.  By the way you reacted, I was certain my comment annoyed you.”

Just the thought of my young child being afraid and asking for a pink casket continues to take my breath away. “I wasn’t annoyed. I was fearful. I couldn’t wrap my mind around losing you, even though several mothers lost their precious babies in last week’s tornado. It wasn’t you that bothered me.”

She said, “But you see in my young mind and with the sensitivity I have owing to my ADHD, I didn’t realize it wasn’t me. To me, everything was due to me.  I didn’t understand my insecurity or overt sensitivity, and I still am not certain that I do.”

In the past, ADHD has been considered a disorder affecting only boys and males. Young females or girls are often overlooked when it comes to a diagnosis. Often females, namely mothers, come to recognize their own ADHD symptoms as a result of having their children diagnosed with it. As the woman learns more about ADHD, she begins to see similar patterns in her own behavior.

In the story we worked on this morning, Baby Sis shared about the rejection she perceived from her Kindergarten teacher. The frustration from believing her teacher picked on her has haunted her for 25 years. She continues not to comprehend why this teacher was so harsh with her.

 “One outfit you bought me had pantaloons sewn into the waist of the dress, but my teacher wouldn’t let me hang by knees from the monkey bars. She said I was showing my panties. She was always worried about my panties.”

“Yes,” I remembered, “She called me in one morning to talk about the fact you tucked your hands in your panties. She accused you of something rude.”

Baby Sis laughed, “So you had me wear shorts or jeans to school each day, and when I couldn’t play with the elastic on my panties, I got into trouble for going to the bathroom too often. I remember how bored I got. The walk across the hall to the bathroom was just enough to get the wiggles out.”

It was one of those incidents I could have lived many years more without knowing about it.

 

Throwing Themselves Across Their Students

Last night and throughout this morning we’ve heard stories of heroic teachers who placed their own bodies as shields across their little students when the killer tornado destroyed Moore, Oklahoma.

Who knows how many young lives were spared because of teachers’ personal sacrifice? Who knows how many of us will continually wipe away tears as we hear these stories repeated?

In my association with ADHD, I often hear the hurts and complaints parents express concerning their children with ADHD. Justifiably, several parents protest that teachers just do not understand ADHD as a disorder, or they do not attempt to accommodate or modify the learning environment for the ADHD student. However, that is not every teacher of students with ADHD, and it is not every parent.

I know many teachers who are heroes every day for students with all types of special-learning needs, including ADHD. I’ve taken part in many conversations with them throughout the past 35 years, and I know the ways in which they lay their lives on the line for their students.

Husband tells me of his own school days when ADHD might have been considered Minimal Brain Dysfunction, but his own parents didn’t know that term, and possibly his teachers didn’t either. He was merely a whinny little boy who did not live up to his apparent potential. As a teen he was the highly-intelligent emerging adult who appeared totally unmotivated and somewhat lazy.

If it hadn’t been for the teachers who laid their lives on the line for him, he wouldn’t have achieved as much as he has as an adult.

For example, he tells of Mrs. Sutley in first grade, “She treated me like my mother. She was a loving and giving adult. She liked to ask questions that helped me stop and think in ways that were very appropriate for the things we studied. I didn’t always have my attention focused on things, but she gently drew me back to my work by talking kindly and touching me on the shoulder.”

Miss Ekert in the second grade provided motivation. “Every week on Friday, Miss Ekert had a prize for students who did well in reading and spelling. She gave me a goal and reason to learn to spell and read. She was also the teacher Mother paid to drive me and my siblings to school each morning, so Mother wouldn’t have to get out that early.”

“In fifth grade I would get up during teaching time and walk around the classroom. The teacher was not hateful to me about getting back to my chair, but she let me return and get seated quietly without drawing negative attention to me. Each day, she chose two or three students to eat lunch with her around her desk. She talked with us about world events; it was like a friendship. She valued my opinion.”

Of course in high school, Sarah Harvey, junior-level English won his heart with her with her kindness and the fact he felt it easy to ask her questions. “If I didn’t get it right away, she patiently explained in two or more ways until I understood. She would stand in the front of the classroom and lecture us about English or a book, and then call on one of us to the blackboard to explain what she had said. Other students would confirm or challenge. It gave me a reason to pay attention in class.”

The stories support the many minute strategies teachers use in classrooms every day across our community schools. They lay groundwork for future ADHD adults who will recall their own school experiences with grateful memories and even hearts. I applaud teachers’ heroic efforts to understand the way students with ADHD function, and to work within their students’ strengths and areas of interest. If you know a teacher who demonstrates extra effort on the part of your student with ADHD, please take time to thank them before the end of this school year.