Getting Ready for the Holidays

I wish I had known about attention-deficit disorder early in our marriage. Of course, we didn’t use that term in those days, but had I known, life would have been easier for Husband during the last weeks of any given year. My quest for perfect holidays clashed with his ADHD.

I began the first week of each November sharing all I wanted to accomplish for the holiday season from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day.

His eyes glazed over when he heard the length of the to-do list, which I assumed was his list, too. However, I didn’t notice his confusion. I presumed he was as enthusiastic about the season as I was.

His reaction was to mentally sit down and stubbornly refuse to get going. I am certain I heard him groan inwardly. No, I take that back. He was most vocal with his complaints.

I thought of presents he could make or build for the children. He said, “Make? I can’t even find my hammer and nails.”

I dreamed of a beautifully decorated house when his family came for Christmas. He dreamed of solitude and retorted, “Who invited them anyway?”

When I planned an evening for making dozens of different types of cookies, he said, “I think three dozen sugar cookies are enough. We can decorate them with sprinkles.”

My holiday planning brought stress to our lives.

Today I am older and wiser; I realize I had most unrealistic expectations for both Husband and myself in terms of time and money. Instead of a Should List, it would have been better to have a Preference List. Even a This Would Be Nice List would have reduced the stress.

If you are a person with ADHD or married to one, I recommend you develop a stress-less approach to holiday planning. The operant word is priorities.

1.     Self-care. Schedule time each day for exercise, naps, and time with your immediate family. Mindfully meditate and pray.

2.    Your emphasis. Choose the most significant element of the holiday around which to build your celebrations. If it is the religious meaning, center your plans in relation to a special religious service or hosting a holiday buffet.

3.    Lights and decorations. Perhaps you really gain delight from the festivities of the holidays. Plan when you will spend time with family and friends. Plan to give simple gifts as a sign of affection and thoughtfulness. Keep decorations to a minimum and shop online where you will find numerous perfect gifts at bargain prices.

4.    Holiday messages and cards. I don’t think it is tacky to send email messages during the holidays. Make messages personal, and consider how you will keep the contact green by protecting the environment.

5.    Holiday Goodies. If your holiday should be filled with special treats, buy them, or barter with a friend who likes to bake. Perhaps your friend would rather bake than wrap presents or address cards.

Ask, “What works best for my situation?”, and set your goals accordingly. If you need help setting your goals, contact McNay & Voth ADHD Coaching (www.coachadhd.com) for the support and encouragement you need. Have fun during the holidays.