WWII: They Did Their Job

I considered writing this on November 10 in honor of Veteran’s Day and my children’s grandfather. Somehow the urgency did not seem quite right, though; the timing was off. But today seems appropriate.  Possibly it’s because I know next week marks the anniversary of the day Father-in-law married Mother-in-law in 1945.

I think about them as a young couple with hopes and dreams stretching out before them. Only the war stood in their way of marrying earlier than they did.

Shortly before his death, my Father-in-law showed me pictures of himself as a young man during World War II. I mean he really was young. He was a leader and pilot at age 20, bombing Burma and landing in India, then flying back to China up and over the Himalaya Mountains.

 

“You were just boys!” I exclaimed.

“But we did our job,” he replied.

“Yes, you did,” I agreed, “And I for one appreciate your service.”

 

I always knew him to be most patriotic and proud of our country, and his funeral included military honors. He talked with my son, the Crown Prince, about his experiences, but he seldom mentioned them to his own children. He did not want to remember the horrors of war.

Today I look at the pictures of the boy who took on a man’s responsibilities to fight for freedom. His serious facial features are identical to that of his oldest grandson, my nephew.

I think of the plans he had for his future: marry his sweetheart, go to college, have a good career, and raise children. He met all those goals successfully. The GI Bill financed his education. Boeing acquired an excellent engineer and mathematician who worked loyally and faithfully for 40 years. Wichita had a virtuous citizen who paid his bills and own property.

Of course during the time he was at war, he only hoped he would live long enough to carry them through.

He didn’t know that he would father four children. And he had no way of anticipating the ADHD trait behaviors that would permit his family.

In fairness to him, he had no idea those behaviors existed; he only studied airplanes. He couldn’t guess that the manners that attracted him to his young wife had some type of label or description.

Husband thinks it wouldn’t matter. His Dad would not have wanted to know about ADHD. He might have associated it with mental illness.

After Husband was diagnosed with ADHD, Father-in-law said, “He didn’t get it from me.”

I think he was afraid of criticism aimed at his own mother, a victim of schizophrenia.

“I don’t think he inherited ADHD from you, either. His way of thinking is more like his Mother’s.”

Father-in-law successfully fought in a world war, but it was difficult for him to maneuver the battles associated with ADHD in his own home. ADHD often brings chaos into family dynamics: frustration, lack of follow-through, temper explosions, and a general lack of understanding.

I think Father-in-law would have welcomed teaching about ADHD in his younger days as a husband and father. He had certainly demonstrated his bravery in other situations, and during the years I knew him, he always demonstrated a quest for learning. He would have been curious, if nothing else.

How about you? Aren’t you curious to know more about the effects of ADHD in your own family? What types of calm do you desire in your family?

At McNay & Voth ADHD Services we offer the training and information other young fathers and mothers can use as they parent their children and teens with ADHD.  We can help you discover the strategies that lead to calm.

We invite you to contact us at www.coachadhd and let us know how we can support you.